Imaginary friends

HAVE you ever had to set a place at the table for your child’s imaginary friend or been warned not to sit on a chair because you’ll squash a make-believe buddy?

Don’t worry, having an imaginary friend usually does not mean your child is lonely, cannot make real friends or is suffering some terrible psychological disorder.

In fact, it probably means just the opposite, according to experts.

Professor Julie Green, raisingchildren.net.au executive director, said imaginary friends were usually a sign of a child’s healthy imagination and social development.

“Imaginary friends are completely normal and are the result of a child’s wonderfully active imagination,” Prof Green said.

“Children with imaginary friends can be less shy and more social than other children and might have more empathy with playing with their real friends.”

Prof Green said the form an imaginary friend took was “limited only by a child’s imagination”.

“They may be based on a story book character, someone the child knows, something from a TV series or even a soft toy,” she said.

While some kids dream up a persona for one of their toys, for others their imaginary friend is invisible.

Research from the US has found about 65 per cent of children have created an imaginary friend by the age of seven. And 37 per cent have had an invisible friend, not based on a toy.

University of Oregon psychologists Prof Marjorie Taylor, the author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them, and Dr Candice Mottweiler found that while some created their friends to help with difficult situations, most did it for fun.

“The imagination is a powerful coping resource,” they found. “Children can walk confidently past a scary dog when there is an invisible tiger at their side; they can talk to an imaginary friend about traumatic events involving family members and know that their secrets are safe.

“However, pretending to have an imaginary companion occurs more often because it is fun than because a child is in emotional distress.”

They also found that while children enjoyed vivid interactions with their invisible friends, most knew their friends weren’t real.

Prof Green said kids as young as 2½ could conjure up an imaginary friend, and that friend was likely to stick around for several months but could last up to three years.

Prof Green said imaginary friends let kids create their own world in which they could call the shots. “Their imaginary friend can be whatever they want them to be, they are in charge of what the imaginary friend says and does,” she said. Prof Green urged parents to listen to their child’s interactions with their imaginary friends.

“The way children play with or talk about their friends can tell parents a lot about how their child is feeling,” she said. “Make-believe friends give insight into the child’s inner world, and their likes, dislikes and tastes.”

But just like real friends, there can be tensions with make-believe buddies at times.

Prof Taylor’s research found about one third of kids with an invisible friend complained their playmate didn’t always come when called, didn’t leave when asked, talked too loudly, didn’t share or did annoying things.

Prof Green said sometimes children tried to blame their imaginary friend for their own misbehaving or needed to constantly ask their imaginary before making a decision.

“If this does become a problem, parents could suggest that they want to hear what their child has to say or what their child thinks, not what the imaginary friend says or thinks,” Prof Green recommended.

“If your child is blaming their imaginary friend for something they have done that they shouldn’t have, parents can explain to their child that the imaginary friend couldn’t have possibly done it.

“Parents could then follow up with a consequence such as getting the child to tidy up the mess that was made.”