MAKE TIME FOR YOU
FINDING ENOUGH TIME FOR YOURSELF AS A SINGLE MOTHER ISN’T EASY, BUT IT’S DEFINITELY WORTH IT
It’s not easy being a single mum. Between trying to raise your children, working, dealing with any problems the kids might be facing, cooking and keeping the house clean, there’s not a lot of time left for the most important thing in your life – you.
But the simple fact is, if you aren’t operating at 100 percent efficiency, neither is your household and this can impact on every other aspect of your life. Taking time for yourself allows you to wind down, give your brain a break and let the stresses of life fall away, and it can really change your perspective on life.
According to the Raising Modern Australia survey, parenting styles have undergone major change over the years, not to mention people are generally busier than ever before. That’s why it may come as no surprise to hear that one of the biggest excuses we have for not doing things is that we simply “don’t have time”. Here’s what you need to know.
SCHEDULE IT IN BEFOREHAND
If you plan ahead, you have no excuses when the time comes. Start booking.
Book yourself a night away, on your own, at a hotel. It doesn’t matter if it’s a flight away, or 500m from home.
What’s important is that you’re taking time out for yourself. Then find a family member or friend who can take care of the kids for you while you’re away.
If a holiday is out of reach, book yourself in for a massage or a gym session. If your children go to school, head straight there after drop-off and tell the boss you’ll be a little late for work.
Plan to have an annual leave day from work in a month’s time and book it in – so when the time comes, it’s already scheduled and you have no excuses. Spend the day doing something that’s just for you.
MAKE A BEDTIME ROUTINE AND STICK TO IT
When you don’t have the help of a second parent, it can be tough finding a bit of quiet time when the kids are at home. Set a bedtime routine for each child and stick to it, ensuring you allow yourself an hour – or a few – afterwards before you go to sleep yourself. Your routine could include something like this:
• Dinner at 6pm
• Play or TV time
• Bath 7pm
• Bed 7.30pm
• Reading, resting, lights out 8pm
This leaves you time after 8pm to watch a little TV, read a book, enjoy a long bath, write, paint or anything else you enjoy doing.
HAVE LEARNING TIME
Many of us are quite used to this now, given we’ve been homeschooling our kids for part of the year already. But just because the schools have opened again doesn’t mean we have to stop learning.
Set yourself and the kids a “learning hour” every day. You might do this after dinner and before bath time, or you might leave it for the weekends.
During this time, have your children read a book, write a story, do some colouring or drawing, or play with Play-Doh or LEGO. And while they are busy, sit down with a hot cuppa and check your emails or social media, while still encouraging them and providing them with assistance.
SHARING THE CARE
It doesn’t matter whether your marriage ended badly or if it was amicable, provided the relationship between your children and their father is healthy it should be encouraged.
Studies have found that having both parents in your child’s life helps them psychologically and emotionally, and the fact is, children generally want both parents to have an active role.
If you don’t have one in place already, ensure you set up a parenting order that determines custody of the children.
This allows you to determine who the children will live with, how much time they spend with each parent and any other aspects of their care.
It also means that while you might have the children on weekdays, their father has them on weekends – or you might do one week on, one week off if it isn’t too disruptive. This allows both parents to be active in the lives of the children, and it allows you – mum – to have a break!
FIND A BABYSITTER
This isn’t as easy as people think.
You want to be able to trust the person who is taking care of your child and if you don’t have family around, it can be very difficult to do that. There are three good options. First, ask your friends who they use as a sitter and, if they come highly recommended, see if they would watch your children as well.
Second, check with the children’s daycare provider (or a centre near you if your children are older), as many daycare workers also babysit at nights and on weekends for extra money.
And finally, find a reputable babysitting agency that ensures their workers have police checks and Blue Card. And if you want to put your mind at ease, you might consider a Nanny Cam.
Finding time for yourself as a single mum isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
Give yourself permission to look after you and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
Christina is a proud mother, entrepreneur, author and world traveller. Previously a successful businesswoman who gave it all up to raise children, Christina spent a lot of her free time during those years flipping through books and learning about a plethora of topics. She hopes her books will inspire and motivate others to do what makes them happy and to achieve their goals.