Mind their manners

COMMON courtesy is back in circulation thanks to coronavirus, and there’s never been a better time to deliver a crash course for kids.

After months of social distancing and limited interaction with others, even grown adults are starting to fear they’ve dropped the ball on the basics, but extra time at home as a family means parents are currently in a prime position to polish their child’s politeness.

Perfecting a small set of social graces is a timeless art, but no one needs an exclusive finishing school in Switzerland.

After all, they don’t call it common courtesy for nothing.

For Australians of a certain age, the name June Dally-Watkins is synonymous with excellent etiquette.

Establishing the southern hemisphere’s first personal development and deportment school in 1950, the late Ms Watkins’ legend lives on at June Dally-Watkins Education and Training (JDW).

Managing director Jodie Bache-McLean says COVID-19 restrictions and the increase in parents working from home have created a real opportunity for parents to closely observe their child’s level of courtesy.

“They’re actually at home and sitting at the dinner table – they’re not racing to a sporting event or a school event and eating on the run,” Ms Bache-McLean says.

“And they’re looking and they’re thinking, ‘Oh, my goodness, where are the manners? Look at the way that you’re eating’.

“Pausing has slowed down our home lifestyle and we’re actually noticing things that we didn’t notice before.

“I believe parents are seeing more of the behaviours that they may have missed because life is so busy.”

Lecturing a child about the abstract importance of good manners is unlikely to have the desired effect, Ms Bache-McLean says.

Children respond much more when they can see the relevance and benefit to themselves.

“There’s a discipline there, but it’s shared in a way that they go, ‘Oh, okay, this is an important thing to make me feel better about who I am as I grow’,” Ms BacheMcLean says.

“It’s also about the importance of making other people around us feel considered. It’s about instilling qualities that are life skills.”

One JDW junior program includes taking students to a posh nosh classic: high tea. The experience is an exciting treat, but the kids aren’t there simply for cucumber sandwiches and macarons. Being a guest first prepares them for hosting duties next time around.

“We give them the authority to say, ‘Now you can take your mum or your dad or your siblings or your grandma to the next high tea and you can be the host’,” Ms BacheMcLean says.

“And when you give that power over to the children, we find that they really do want to excel, because they want to do it really well.

“They’re learning about the napkin, about chewing with their mouth closed, about passing something to another (person). When they order, they look at the person who’s (serving) and they say ‘thank you’ and ‘may I have?’.

“And so it’s about engagement … They absolutely love it. They blossom. You can see the confidence changing.”

Ms Bache-McLean says simply giving children the example of a sleepover at a friend’s house worked just as well, because they can easily visualise that scenario, they want to make a good impression on their friend’s family and they don’t want to be caught out accidentally doing something wrong.

“We don’t say, ‘Well, that’s incorrect’,” she says. “Every situation we embrace, and we tell them how to best be themselves in that situation and how to show manners.

“I say, ‘Imagine you’re over there and all of a sudden you’re sitting there and you don’t know which knife or fork to use.

“You don’t know which napkin to use. It’s very formal, and all of a sudden you feel embarrassed.

“This is not about being fancy-schmancy. It’s not about being better than anyone else. This is information that one day you may need in any given situation.

“We give them the relevance so they feel confident, no matter what.”

DIANA JENKINS