“One of the most heated topics in my local group is a fence covered in soft toys”

The internet is where I work, play and lose hours of my day scrolling through my local Facebook group. That’s where I found the answer to the question on everyone’s lips: what’s happening to the boarded-up petrol station near the Hungry Jacks? According to my local group, it’s rebranding to another petrol station. A Facebook group has a few kinds of members I’ve found. There are the regular posters, who keep us all informed of developments, I get the sense these people take their role very seriously and, if they weren’t doing this, then they’d be the treasurer at the local footy club, even though their kid hasn’t played there in 10 years.

Then there are serial commenters. They don’t start a post themselves, but instead write big, twoinch long comments on someone else’s post. Here’s an insight: rarely are these chunky comments supportive, in agreement or kind. Rather, they contain these three commonly used phases, “What’s the world coming to?”, “Where are the parents?” and “It never used to be like this here.”

Then, last but not least, like me, there are the lurkers. We’re frugal with our likes and comments. What’s the point of yelling into the void of a closed group? It’s not going to turn that new petrol station into a French croissanterie is it?

One of the most heated topics in my local group is a fence covered in soft toys. It was part of a cheeringup-the-community thing a local did back in the throes of Covid. Well, perhaps controversially, the council has asked the toy fence’s creator to take the many toys down. Unlike the teddies, rarely are locals on the fence with this issue. Any time this fence is mentioned, it’s a 300-plus comment thread.

I comment “following” so I don’t miss any of the goss.

Whenever a post starts with the phrase, “To the person who”, it usually goes one of two ways. Sometimes it’s a feel-good story about another local paying for their coffee order in the Zarraffas drivethrough. Or, more often than not, it’s one like this: “Thank you to the person who stole my grandson’s mountain bike, I hope you know he now can’t get to his part-time job, enjoy the bike and I hope you feel bad when you realise what you’ve done.” I’ve often wondered if the criminals are in the group to watch their handiwork on the home security camera footage that’s often shared these days. Often with the eye catching headline, “Anyone know these grubs?”

There are often weird things listed for sale. Recently, I saw a packet of muesli bars on offer with the caption, “Bought the wrong ones, lost receipt, daughter hates them.” I always wonder if someone came around to buy them, or if the purchaser gave in and ate the box of strawberry yoghurt muesli bars themselves. That was a concise description of the muesli bars and why they were for sale. Some people go for the more-flies-with-vinegar approach with their ads, “No time wasters, already had two people not pick up, price is firm, no holds, no delivery, all info on pictures, won’t respond to is this available, if the ad is up it’s available, need gone today.” I always admire the confidence of this sales technique, no pleasantries, just business.

My other favourite things to stumble across are niche home businesses. This week, I found reusable nursing pads in Broncos colours and custom tuxedo-style dog coats for weddings. I’m yet to find a dog tuxedo in Broncos colours though. That’s a real hole in the market.