You’re not alone

Finding your village in the child raising space

How many times have we heard the saying that to raise a child takes a village? Most new parents – especially first time parents – often underestimate what that village may need to look like and how many villagers will need to be in place!

Child raising encompasses may complex emotions. The decisions you may sweat over are things you would barely have even considered before you have a baby in your arms. Fortunately in Toowoomba we are lucky to have a range of options to gather information, to meet people and develop relationships. It’s great to start to develop ideas around who you can ask for support and how that might look before your baby is born and to re-evaluate during the various stages from baby, to toddler, to preschool, school and beyond.

The first weeks and months

The first weeks are all about sleeping, feeding and recovery time. Its critical that both parents, where possible, are around as much of the time to tag team. Family, including all levels of extended family can also be extra nurturers for mum.

The important thing is to focus on what mum needs, not baby. Leave baby for mum to care for and do her jobs – cleaning, cooking, shopping unless specifically asked to take baby so she can sleep. From about 6-8 weeks supporting the new parents into routines or rhythms that support their family’s needs is useful and things like offering to clean the house, do loads of washing but again taking a baby for a walk while mum rests can be invaluable.

Baby days

The changes in the village as baby grows will be obvious and will depend on who in the family is working outside the home and what that looks like.

It is really important that mum has time to herself regardless of her level of work in and out of the home. This can be facilitated by partners, grandparents and even paid childcare or creches. Some mums prefer to stay with baby, but it is still critical that she gets time for simple pleasures, having a bath, reading, exercise if she wants that, or outings. Each family needs to work out their own comfort levels.

Toddlers

Toddlers are curious creatures and the village at this point needs to include activities out of the home and with other toddlers in a safe environment.

Mothers groups, play groups and any range of activities can assist. Depending on both parents and out of home work, these activities should be a joy rather than a chore.

Preschool and beyond

Once children get toward preschool and school there is often another child who has entered the village and the whole process has started again. Having time at preschool and beyond helps with socialisation and also for the care providing parent to have time with a lower level of responsibility.

In Toowoomba

My Midwives provides antenatal classes and newborn care classes to maximise ideas about how to develop the village. Mothers groups – both paid and unpaid – are an option to meet other new mothers.

It is a great time to consider interests – you may be interested in music, swimming, gym groups or simple things like the Australian Breastfeeding Association. Starting with your pregnancy care provider is a great option as they may be able to direct you to a group that meets your needs.

Liz Wilkes is Managing Director of My Midwives and if you have any questions about pregnancy care, classes or our mothers groups please contact the clinic on admin@mymidwives.com.auor phone 1300 982 951.