Blowing off the blowers to keep the peace

CALL it crankiness. Call it intolerance. Or even call it a First World problem. But when there’s talk of banning leaf blowers, I’m all for it. In the United States — where it’s now “fall” — more than 100 cities have banned or restricted the use of petrol-powered blowers.

There’s been the odd push for Australian bans.

Sadly, without luck.

I’m not normally in the habit of wanting to ban things, but I had a rough autumn, and now I’d be happy if all blowers were melted down and turned into modern art.

Just behind my house is a body corporate collection of townhouses serviced by a gardener clearly being paid by the hour.

And for hour after hour, he will use his blower to herd the leaves from one end of the property to the other. Then back.

During this year’s cooler months, I was finishing up writing a book. And much of it was done to the tune of that blower.

So if you’re kind enough to read the novel when it comes out next year, you may see the words “turn that bloody thing off!” appear out of context.

But at least you’ll know why. Perhaps all his blowing is warranted, and maybe I’m just unlucky enough to live near the greatest concentration of deciduous trees in the southern hemisphere. But I don’t think so. Instead, I’m guessing he suffers from the same curious addiction that everyone else who insists on using a blower suffers.

Look, I can understand the appeal. There must be something easy and satisfying about strapping on an engine and watching the foliage dance to your thunderous tune, as you swing it like an extension of your body.

I get it. People with a rake just don’t have the same rugged sexual appeal, do they?

And the other great thing is one can look like an effective gardener while actually doing bugger all. Who doesn’t want to appear busy while actually doing nothing?

I just wish it could all be done with a little more shoosh and little less whoosh.

So if I can assist with any future blower ban, please let me know.

And once we’ve removed blowers from the Earth we can start on noisy sneezers, wide yawners, relentless coughers, loud ringtones that go unanswered, TV commercials that are twice the volume of a Die Hard movie, people who use the phone’s speaker function in public places, walkers who drag their feet, and all political speeches.

Have a peaceful weekend.