I’m not going to weigh myself before and after

WHEN I quit cricket aged 25, I honestly loathed the game and never thought for one second I’d get back to a point where I would actually enjoy playing and training.

I’d won a World Cup for my country, but with where I was at with my eating disorder I hated cricket – I just wanted nothing to do with it and shut off from it completely. By 2019 though, 2½ years on, I got to a stage in my life where I had managed to find some balance and I was in a much better frame of mind with my eating, my diet and my training.

There was something lingering in my mind: ‘What if you went back and tried to see how good you are when you are healthy?’

For me there was a stone unturned. I didn’t return seeking to play for Australia again; I went back to cricket to see if I could maintain what I had managed to learn outside the game.

It wasn’t easy. When I first came back into the professional cricketing environment, I was still vomiting a lot due to my anorexia nervosa condition. The journey was long.

But now, I actually can’t remember the last time I vomited because of my food anxiety or my performance anxiety.

I’m in the best shape physically I’ve been in, and mentally as well. Eating out used to be a real trigger for me because it would throw out my whole routine, but it doesn’t really affect me anymore.

I’ve put mind and body back together and I can now distinguish when I’m hungry versus when I’m bored, when I’m full versus eating just because I feel I have to eat a certain amount of calories.

When I returned to professional cricket, what took courage was for me to actually speak up and say, ‘I’m not going to weigh myself before and after the game’, because it can be a trigger.

It took a very long time to get to this point, but now it’s sort of like the old me again – but better.

I do believe body image issues are a lot more common in sport than anyone would care to notice.

If I can be an inspiration for young female athletes out there who are suffering in a similar way, that would be the ultimate compliment and makes me feel proud.