JOY AND FEAR
Renee’s baby news after losing little Jax
A YEAR after her son Jax died suddenly in his sleep, Renee Pask has a reason to smile again — she’s pregnant.
But behind the joy is a nagging fear. She asks herself, could it happen again? Jax, right, seemed perfectly healthy when he went to bed one night and never woke up.
A coroner could not determine his cause of death but now a doctor may have answers for Renee and partner Shannon Trounce.
RENEE Pask has come to terms with the fact she’ll never know why her only child died in his sleep.
What she’s now struggling with is the joy of carrying another miracle baby and the burden that comes from having lost two-year-old Jax to an unexplained death little more than a year ago.
“I’m scared to be honest,” Renee said of being almost five months pregnant with partner Shannon Trounce, the carpenter who touched hearts across the city when he built a small wooden boat for his beautiful boy to be buried in.
“I asked the doctor ‘Is it going to happen again?’ and he said he didn’t want me to worry, but of course it’s in the back of our minds. As a parent, you can’t help but wonder if it could happen again.
“Shannon says this child is going to sleep in our bedroom until they’re 18 and I’m like ‘Yes, I agree’.”
Renee and Shannon’s world fell apart in March last year when they found Jax not breathing at their Helensvale home only hours after putting him to bed with a mild fever.
Nothing could be done to revive him and after an agonising nine-month wait, his parents finally received his autopsy report a week before Christmas.
“It was horrendous,” Renee said of learning the coroner had found Jax died “of natural causes” after a reason for his death could not be determined.
“It took nine months to get that answer – that Jax was a healthy little boy and they could find nothing wrong with him. When the experts can’t explain it, you can’t help but think ‘What have we done wrong as parents’.”
Then, in the New Year, a ray of hope arrived in the form of an invitation to meet with Gold Coast University Hospital paediatric emergency physician Dr Graham Jay.
“He said he had been researching around the world and found a category of deaths called SUDC – Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood,” Renee said of an extremely rare diagnosis made when other causes of death cannot be found after a thorough investigation.
“It’s most common in boys older than two. They seem to have a slight fever before bed and are found on their stomachs in the morning as if they’ve had a seizure … I’ve since joined a foundation of other (SUDC) mothers across the world and all of us have experienced the same story.
“We asked Dr Jay what if we had woken Jax and given him Panadol or got him to the hospital sooner, but he said the fever is so terminal not even (medical) relief would’ve cured him.
“I did walk out feeling as if a weight was off my shoulders. It doesn’t bring Jax back but it’s helped knowing we’re not the only ones and there was nothing more we could have done to keep him alive.
“If Dr Jay hadn’t explained SUDC to us, I’d still be angry at the world.”
Three weeks after their son’s death, Renee and Shannon paid an emotional visit to a fertility specialist.
“We were just desperate,” said Renee, who had earlier conceived Jax naturally after two cycles of IVF and years of trying to fall pregnant.
“We didn’t know where we were at and just said ‘We need another child’ … Shannon shut the world down for a while, he was so angry, and this pregnancy has definitely helped.
“This is actually the third pregnancy since Jax passed away. We lost a couple but this one is hanging on … it hasn’t been easy and I’m yet to get that (elated) feeling, but we are getting excited and knowing we’re going to have another baby has given us something to look forward to again.”
In a sign of their strength and the love of family and friends, Shannon and Renee were part of a team that celebrated Jax’s life at the weekend’s Gold Coast Bulletin Fun Run by wearing his favourite colour – green – and bearing his name and birth year.
“Shannon’s sister organised it. She’s been amazing,” Renee said. “Every day she does something new for Jax and just keeps him alive in a way.”