OFF THE RECORD
THE talk over this ladies lunch turned to the aged relative of one of the gals. Cranky and irascible were key complaints and how she was at her wit’s end. “I think I may have a solution,” piped up one. “I’ll give you a ring and drop something around.” A few days later they met and the friend handed over some homemade, innocuous looking, brownies. The instructions were simple – let the aged one try one of these and see if the mood changes. Next day the friend received an excited phone call along the lines of “wonderful, life is so much better, peace and harmony reigns”. The smarter ones among you will have worked out the key ingredient. The Age of Aquarius has a new home.
THE scene is a Saturday afternoon and our hero, a marriage celebrant, has just settled into his comfy lounge chair with a glass of red and a bowl of things to nibble as he watches his team on the big screen TV. The phone rings: “Where are you?” It is a wedding he had booked for the next weekend and in all the usual pre-marriage kerfuffle the couple had forgotten to tell him that they had changed the date. Could he help? Faster than Clark Kent emerging from a phone booth our hero ditched the trakky daks and team colours and arrived 20 minutes later, slightly breathless, at the wedding. And they all lived happily ever after.
THERE’S a new game in town. It is a game anyone can play but best with a group and it only requires one key ingredient, a particularly voracious name dropper. The first move when you bump into this person is to casually work a famous name into the conversation. The story doesn’t need to be true, it simply has to mention any global superstar. Then you wait for a nanosecond before the main player launches into a story about the star and the time … blah, blah, blah. The higher up the celebrity food chain you go, the more points you receive for a story concerning the two. The winning entry so far involves a chance “meeting” with Queen Elizabeth at the polo in jolly old England. Plans are now afoot to mention seeing God in a near-death experience and see what happens.
SHE prides herself on having impeccable manners but why then was she heard berating a hapless waitress at a popular coffee shop? The reason? Her halfstrength, decaf, organic soy latte with no foam wasn’t exactly to her liking. Really sweetie – get a grip!