OFF THE RECORD
MOST of us have long thought that politicians have talked through their ...ahem… bottoms and now we have proof positive. How else to explain the former popular pollie who went in to have a routine colonoscopy and lost his voice? Of course his explanation is something to do with needing a tube put down his throat due to a complication during the procedure. That sounds suspiciously like a cover-up but on the plus side we are pleased to know that his voice has returned and his colon is as clean as a … ......
SPEAKING of dark and rarely seen places, one social dame is inordinately proud of her recent stint in hospital for a full check-up. When anyone cares to ask how it all went she pulls out a set of colour photos given to her by the doctor showing bits of herself that, frankly my dear, nobody wants to see. But then she always did think the sun shone out of her #%*@
ENJOYING yum cha with friends at a popular Chinese eatery, this Aussie bloke had no intention of battling with the customary chopsticks. Calling the waiter over he drawled, “Could I have a fork and knife?” The waiter gave him a funny look and then left, whereupon someone at the table quipped, “You know, there’s a good chance he’ll come back with just a knife.” The Aussie repeated it in his head and then realised the OTHER meaning. Next time he will ask for a knife and fork – much safer.
THEY seek him here, they seek him there, his partners seek him everywhere. It seems that a well-known restaurateur has “done a bunk” and left this posh noshery in disarray. Rumour has it that after all these years the FOR SALE sign has now gone up. Tres sad as it was a favourite for many years.
NO prize in guessing where this took place. Straight from the player’s mouth came the news that this passing player had lost an eight (yep, eight) figure amount over two nights indulging in his favourite pastime. Did he feel any remorse? Nope, it was just the luck of the draw so to speak and he was soon on his merry way hoping that luck will be a lady tonight. Hey, it’s only money.
WHO was the well-known, ultra butch, local legal eagle spotted out enjoying a perky pinot noir with friends in Queenstown? So far, so good, but his companions were amazed at his footwear – a searingly bright pair of pink shoes. Not that there is anything wrong with hot pink.