OFF THE RECORD
IT MUST be every waiter’s dream to impress a customer so much they leave a very hefty tip. For one young lovely that scenario unfolded when an obviously mega-rich dude left a gratuity for the ages. The four-figure sum was added to his moderate tab and he explained to her he was very taken by her care and attention. Lovely story so far but here comes the downer. Her boss decided it was far too much and promptly commandeered almost all of it explaining they were going to use the money to cover anyone who left without paying. Talk about the Grinch who stole Christmas. AND we wonder sometimes why men give up trying to please fussy femmes. A loving husband spent months and a lot of money planning a secret birthday gift for his wife. Hours of details and many furtive phone calls were spent to get what he imagined was something that would show her how much he cared about her. The big day arrived and he proudly showed her the special gift. Did she burst into tears? Did she thank him profusely? Nope, she took one look and then started rattling off the many reasons she didn’t like it. Wrong colour, bad shape, awful design – in short she hated it. Goldilocks with a migraine and PMT had nothing on this tirade. Sad to say we don’t think he’ll be trying to please her again. THERE is definitely no happy ending to this tale. She is a highly skilled and much in demand remedial massage therapist famed for her ability to locate and fix niggling pains. Of course occasionally some of her male customers think that apart from her technical skills she may have other more basic talents and suggest she may be able to offer “extras”. With a cute smile she nods, leaves the room and returns with an ice pack and slaps it without warning on the affected area. Not surprisingly they never ask again for a happy ending. SHADES of the English Patient.
This dipsy dame went to visit hubby dearest who was recovering from major surgery. The nurse pointed her to husband’s ward and madam hurriedly went over to console him and make sure he was OK. She took one look at the awful mess and screamed, “He looks terrible. What have you done to him?” The nurse quickly informed her she had the wrong man. Her husband was the patient across the ward. Oops!