OFF THE RECORD
AFTER a damp day on the golf course he returned home and left his brand new golf shoes outside to dry. Seeing them, his wife decided to speed up the drying process by placing them in the oven. In they went, she went off to watch episode 4387 of The Bold and The Beautiful and promptly forgot all about them. Sometime later a foul smell filled the house and she opened the oven door to a smoking and melted pair of shoes. Not a happy hubby.
SPEAKING of over-heating, how about the dame who decided to get every last skerrick out of her expensive lipsticks? She placed them in her microwave and having never cooked Bombe a Lipstick before set the timer to one minute. She now knows that it was 55 seconds too long because the lipsticks in their confined containers exploded. Her microwave now looks like the inside of a slaughterhouse with a coating of ruby red in every nook and cranny.
STAND by for law suits at three paces as this family goes to war. After many years of loyal service it was decided that one of them was no longer needed in the day-today running of this enterprise. So an email was sent by the other family members stating that “your services are no longer required”. At this stage no amount of mediation has worked.
IF FLIRTATION had a rating system this gal would have a platinum belt. Out for lunch with girlfriends she was introduced to a couple of well-to-do bizzoids and immediately switched in to full flirt mode – heaving bosom, fluttering eyes and subtle arm stroking. Within five minutes she had them drooling and dribbling, hanging on her every word. A few days later one of them ran into one of the girlfriends and immediately asked, “Who was that woman?” GF: “She’s good fun and liked you but I told her you were married.” He: “You didn’t!?” GF: “Well, you are, aren’t you?” He: “Umm.” Boys will always be boys.
SOMEONE who likes to make a statement at our big social events decided to go all out at the GC2018 Gala with a gown that featured tonnes of tulle. There was only one not so teensy problem. When the limo came to transport Cinderella, she could just get her derriere into the auto but the rest of the gown would not follow. Her husband, who was trying to wedge her in the door, said she looked like a giant kewpie doll with only her feet waving about in the night air.