OFF THE RECORD
IT HAS been a long, comfortable affair. He a married man of some considerable means and she happy to enjoy his company on a regular basis and delighted not to be saddled with any of the domestic duties of matrimony. All well and good until he did the unthinkable by forgetting their 10th anniversary. In his defence their first coupling took place when both had been out on the town and he didn’t think it would go any further than that one night stand so didn’t note the date. Anyway she has now decided to call it quits over his tardy memory. Who knew extra marital affairs had anniversaries?
ROLLING home from a rocking Christmas party this dude poured himself out of the cab and then realised he had left the house key at work. Anxious to avoid waking his wife he decided to climb on to the roof and ease himself inside via the bathroom window. Good plan except for a few minor details. Firstly he was on the other side of inebriated. Secondly while he may have once fitted easily through the window, his Chief Wiggum girth was not designed for small spaces. Up he went, opened the window and entered head first and, of course, got stuck. His arms and legs flailed wildly but with a final heave he popped through, crashed on to the vanity breaking many of his beloved’s lotions and potions. Naturally the noise roused the wife from her beauty sleep and so happy was she to see what he had done he is now banned from all future Christmas gatherings.
CORPORATIONS spend a lot of money endeavouring to find new business so perhaps this joint might try a novel approach and retain its existing customers. After being a loyal and devoted customer for more than 20 years this group is still shaking its head after their regular order was somehow lost in translation and not sent in time for the Christmas rush. Did they receive an apology/ discount/explanation? Nope, the message in a nutshell was we’re too busy to look into your problems – better luck next time. Guess who has found themselves a brand new supplier.
AFTER a few too many glasses of shriek juice at the office party, this likely lass playfully pinched her George Clooney look-a-like boss on his tres cute bottom. Wrong move! His ultraprotective PA noticed the grope and quickly intruded saying with a stern face, “He just might have you up for sexual harassment.” Apparently what’s good for the gander is now good for the goose.