Giving tradition the boot

TRADITIONAL footy fan, look away now. You won’t like AFLX.

You’ll cringe at the flashing lights. Smoke machines. Incessant sound. And Zooper goals – footy-god forbid.

And that’s even before you look on-field.

What did happen on-field when the experimental AFLX made a debut in Adelaide last night?

Umpires in pink. Silver balls. And guinea pigs.

The seven players on-field for each club were proverbial guinea pigs. And just like genuine guinea pigs, they scampered here and there without really knowing where they were headed.

And yes, traditional footy fan, you may think AFLX is like a genuine guinea pig: a smelly little thing best put back in its box.

There’s no physicality. No crunching tackles – barely any tackling at all. The first-ever AFLX game between Port Adelaide and Geelong featured five tackles in total. Port laid just one in 20 minutes.

No collisions. No bumps. No pack marks. Not even a pack.

So, traditional footy fan, AFLX isn’t for you. And that is just the way it’s meant to be.

It’s for the younger generation who find a real footy game lasting three hours just too long for their concentration span.

Yes, traditional footy fan, in the past you spent three hours stuck in footy traffic just getting to and from the game – they were the days, huh?

So, traditional footy fan, best if you turn off AFLX right now. Don’t bother attending – you’ll just want to strangle the commentator who calls every play in every second of the game over the loud speaker.