OFF THE RECORD
GREAT moments in customer service #268. The scene is one of those upmarket cafes much loved by the young and trendy. One of our many pulled and pushed dames, sporting the best face that money can buy, stepped forward to place her order. After she had supplied her specific details for lunch and coffee – half strength, soy, etc – the sweet young thing then asked her the cruellest six words in history. “Have you got your senior’s card?” A hit to the face with a shovel would have been less cruel. Luckily the surgeon’s work meant that she was unable to show the true shock and horror so stony faced she simply paid and tottered off to wait for lunch.
AH! Sweet revenge. After her marriage of about a decade crashed headlong onto the rocks of his serial infidelity, this not so happy divorcee set about picking up the pieces of her shattered life. Fast forward two years and she has been seen back in town sporting a diamond the size of a quail’s egg. It seems she has landed a mega rich foreigner and they are set to be married in the European spring. The trip back home was simply to pick up a few personal items and of course to flaunt her new status in life including the glittering bauble, in front of some of her ex-husband’s friends. Too, too delicious.
WE wondered why this dashing dude suddenly left town to take up a new position in a southern capital and now we know why. It seems when he was a master of all he surveyed he had developed a most unique system of invoicing. Good friends and people who were in on the ‘joke’ would order goods and receive a bill for a lot less than normal retail. To cover his tracks he would then add a bit on to other accounts and everything would balance up at the end of the month. The ‘jokers’ would kick back something and all was right with the world until a secret audit revealed the web of deceit. Who’s been a naughty boy then?
THIS was received by one of our free-to-air TV stations during the height of the great Barnaby bust up. “Can you please get Barnaby off the TV! I’m watching #$%& at the moment and it’s being interrupted by him. Thank you.” Then five minutes later came a follow up. “Okay. Never mind he’s gone now.” Politicians may come and go but nothing must interrupt the viewing habits of our wide brown land.