Ceremony a joke but our city’s still smiling
FAMOUS for fun? More like internationally infamous for a festive flop. Gold Coast, what happened? How did our partycentric city throw such a lame duck ’do?
Our closing ceremony was destined for failure from the very first moment with the exclusion of athletes from their usual celebratory entrance.
It’s like throwing a surprise party and when the guest of honour walks in you ignore them. #wtf
Now let’s be honest … these ceremonies are not renowned for being the highlight of any social calendar, sporting or otherwise, but it wouldn’t take much to do this better.
Although, as Birmingham demonstrated, we could actually have done worse.
In all seriousness, it’s bitterly disappointing that closing ceremony organisers missed the mark so completely. For our sporting stars, for the fans and for our city.
As the athletes and audience members left in droves, it was the kids and volunteers who really missed out. All those hours preparing to wow a global audience and there was no one even left in the arena. And then their show gets panned.
It’s obvious that the American-based creative team Jack Morton Worldwide just didn’t get us.
Yep, the Gold Coast can be tacky and trashy but we’re fun and funny, too. We’re full of families and loads of local talent.
While we love to laugh at ourselves, there’s not much humour in humiliation.
Of course, everyone is an expert in hindsight, but these are my top tips on how we could have put the party into the Games.
1. WINNING WAITERS
While athletes were initially overlooked, we could have enlisted our world-class hospitality industry to attend to them, hand-delivering the best drinks our award-winning mixologists can make. It would have prevented the exodus to the bar and guaranteed a lot more smiles. Can you imagine watching the Birmingham promo drunk? Priceless.
2. TWITTER TICKER
If you were looking for fun on Sunday night, social media was where it was at. It’s the only thing that kept me up until the last D-list celeb sang. A rolling scroll of the best comments, memes and gifs might have made up for Beattie, Tate and Palaszczuk.
3. MORE BOROBI
Our mascot, like our athletes, was an unqualified success. Watching the big blue koala carve it up with Usain Bolt on the DJ decks was a highlight, but we needed more. I would have dearly loved to see him arrive in a stretch Hummer with disco lights ablaze. Or better yet, the Aqua Duck.
4. GO FULL XANADU
Speaking of disco, why did we have Xanadu perform without roller skaters? It’s a stadium full of athletes, people. (Well, it was at the start anyway.) Surely they could have found a few to lace up? Imagine a Kiwi/Aussie roller derby…
5. FEWER SPEECHES, MORE MICROPHONE
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The speeches were, predictably, overly long and beyond boring. But that mike! It just came from a day out at the Gold Coast Turf Club and it was ready to par-tay. All fluffy and cute, it reminded me of a Meter Maid after a really long winter. Very consistent with the whole ’70s vibe. When the mayor of Birmingham arrived though, it all made sense. It was her hat’s baby! I’m predicting Muffy the Mike will be Brum’s mascot.
6. AUDIENCE INVOLVEMENT
I loved the inclusion of our everyday heroes on stage. Firemen, policemen, emergency workers were all saluted for their efforts. If only organisers embraced this GC version of the Village People and had them lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of YMCA. #lostopportunity
7. VOLUNTARY SPORT
Similarly, it was fantastic to see the volunteers officially thanked – even if it required them to also dance in public. Organisers should have made this a sport, handing out gold to the best Daggy Dancer.
8. MORE MANPOWER
The father of male dance troupes, Billy Cross is a GC resident … and the Games is a hotbed of hot boys. Why couldn’t we see some golden bodies stripping off those medals on stage?
9. REMEMBER: LESS IS MORE
Whether it’s time limit, speeches or D-list entertainers, this maxim remains true. Who actually watched the rehearsals and said: “Yes, this is great! But you know what we need? More Anthony Callea.” The answer is never, ever Anthony Callea. Unless the question is “who is getting voted off the island?”
Fallen (Australian) Idols notwithstanding, let’s not allow these few hours on Sunday night to cloud our memory of what has been an outstanding and, yes, game changing 11 days for our city.
Even more importantly, it was a game changer for inclusivity. Watching the paraathletes was a life-changer.
The ceremony may have been a joke, but the Games legacy is no laughing matter. We rocked it.
#sharethedream