It is unreasonable to expect grandparents to act as slaves

WITH reference to Joella Drury’s letter in Monday’s Gold Coast Bulletin (‘Your Views’, GCB, 7/5/18)

in which she asks readers why parents want to keep their adult offspring at home and dependent on them instead of raising “selfsufficient, competent and independent” young people, ready to face the big wide world on their own as should be our duty, I would dearly love to know the answer!

I, personally, don’t think it’s a matter of parents “wanting” to keep their offspring dependent on them. I wonder if they know they have a choice? And that it isn’t doing our children any favours continually letting them bludge off their parents and grandparents? Worse still, allowing their live-in, high-income partners to expect to be waited on hand and foot too and not lift a finger to help financially or otherwise. It’s just not fair! Let them at least take their dirty washing elsewhere!

Can’t these “fit, intelligent, healthy, adult offspring (in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond)” – they would deeply resent being referred to as “children” – realise how wrong it is not to pull their weight and at least not use parents/grandparents as unpaid servants – slaves, in fact? There’s no way they would want to work for nothing! In fact, many expect to be paid for mowing the lawn at home or washing a family member’s car.

Do it for love? No way! Only losers do something for nothing.

Having said that ... there’s no quick and easy answer to Joella Drury’s question, “Why?”

In fact, it’s an incredibly complex question and many parents/ grandparents (rich or poor) would be sure to ask, “Why not? We have every right to do what we want without interference from anybody else – including our adult children”.

They are right, of course, unless there’s obviously some sort of abuse involved – and we must remember these are consenting adults – we can’t interfere, whatever our opinion may be. It is only our opinion after all.

We can’t possibly know what motivates anyone to do the things they do or don’t do. Often, we don’t know what motivates us! We do what we think is best at the time. What if others think we’re crazy? Life is full of “what ifs?”

However, we parents/grandparents need our heads examined if we follow any trend or take any well-meant advice without asking ourselves if this is really what we want. Will we be happy and content – cheerful givers of our time and resources – or angry and resentful? No one likes to feel used ungratefully, not even by their nearest and dearest! We need to be sure we’re not just raising “bludgers”.

Joella Drury’s question is certainly food for thought. I’ve been pondering it for hours! WENDY BIRD, HOPE ISLAND