OFF THE RECORD
AN oxymoron is by definition a contradiction in the one sentence. We would now like to coin a new word – botoxymoron. In this case it refers to the sweet young thing loudly proclaiming the benefits of her organic life and how she likes to live life clean and green. A noble and wonderful sentiment but sadly contradicted by her mesmerising appearance. Somehow we don’t think the stuff used to puff out her lips like pork snags or inflate her cheeks puffer fish style is 100 per cent organic. Continuing the journey of discovery we also have a sneaking suspicion that the eye popping twin airbags protruding below her clavicle are not natural either. Let’s just finish by saying that she is filled with more nonorganic material than 1000 supermarket bags.
HERE’S some earth-shattering news – a secret shared is no longer a secret. Walking up to some casual friends at a cocktail party and asking if they have any ‘blow’ on them is not only as dumb as bungee jumping with a too long rope but is certain to get your name spread all over town as a user of illicit drugs. If you’ve got a problem, seek help or better yet don’t presume that everyone you know is sniffing their way through life.
THERE is nothing quite as delicious as watching ‘mansplaining’ come undone. Eager to impress with his substantial knowledge about everything under the sun, this man of importance went on and on about a particular technical subject. In the group was a young woman and seeing her hanging on his every word he spoke louder and longer than usual. Finally she interrupted him in full flight and told him that he was wrong. He protested that he knew but she simply showed him her business card which stated that she was a real specialist in the field. Mayday! Mayday! Man going down in flames.
IT seems there is very little of modern life that goes undocumented. Besides the vast array of mobile phones we also have home security systems and of course the multiple street cameras left behind after the Games. So when this charming, welladjusted creature did something reprehensible one night in his neighbourhood he probably thought he would get away with it. Not so. Knowing that there had to be a record somewhere, one of the neighbours spent countless hours poring over visions from every camera in the area. Bingo! He then presented the evidence to the cad with a bill for the damages and hinted strongly that he should pay up or it’s off to the cop shop we go.