Ignorance and pity an able-bodied impairment
IN today’s vernacular, I’m “woke”. I pride myself on awareness of social and racial justice issues. I’m not particularly political but I am a bleeding heart … and I fail to see the problem with that. Essentially, I just care about people.
But it turns out I have a blind spot.
While I’m hardly discriminatory, I’ve been sluggish in realising the reality of what it means to be disabled.
But I’m waking up to myself.
The alarm went off thanks to a speech by Paralympian, social worker and journalist Karni Liddell – who was born with spinal muscular atrophy – at the Women in Media Conference at Bond University on Saturday.
As Karni dissected the many ways that able-bodied people overlook, underestimate, patronise, pity and desexualise the disabled, I began to feel distinctly uncomfortable.
When she explained how important eye contact is to someone in a wheelchair, I knew I was part of the problem.
Maybe it’s pity or maybe it’s embarrassment, but too often I have looked away when I’ve seen someone with a disability. While I’m sure no one would welcome my stare, the fact that I’m treating this person differently is part of the problem.
So I’m changing that. From now on, it’s the same for all – brief eye contact and maybe a smile … I can’t help it, I’m nice. Unless of course my head is buried in a phone in which case I ignore everyone and everything – including that flight of steps at Pacific Fair.
Look, in defence of wellmeaning able-bodied people like myself, it’s really hard to know what to say or do without appearing either ignorant or patronising. The last thing I want to do is put my foot in it … and with my luck, it would be with an amputee.
Ok, maybe that isn’t my joke to tell … but it was the humour wielded by Karni that made the sword of her sermon so sharp.
She says the overarching narrative is that you’re nobody when you have a disability, unless you defy the odds.
She is tired of being highfived in the pub simply for ordering a beer. She’s happy to be high-fived for being a successful, single mother. She’s happy to be high-fived for being an amazing athlete. But for ordering a beer? Not so much. Besides, high-fiving with beer in hand means spillage. And that’s never anything to celebrate.
She also doesn’t want you to tell her she’s an inspiration for existing in a wheelchair. Do people congratulate you for being alive every day?
When you’re walking down the street with a friend, do people ask if you’re having a race – as they have to Karni and a fellow friend in a wheelchair? It’s not that people necessarily mean to be mean. We just don’t think. We’re not woke.
And let’s take it back even further. What does almost every expectant parent answer when asked about their child’s gender? “I don’t care, as long as it’s healthy.”
Which means, if you’re an unhealthy baby, you’re the child no one wants. Instead, Karni says, let’s wish for a happy baby. After all, saying all you want is a happy child will not decrease your chances of having a healthy child.
Unfortunately, being an unhealthy child means, in this world, a higher chance of being an unhappy adult.
After entertaining a crowd of media women for more than half an hour, Karni projected these sobering statistics:
More than four million Australians have a disability. That’s one in five people or 20 per cent of the population.
Women with disabilities are 40 per cent more likely to experience domestic and family violence.
Australia ranks 21st out of 29 OECD countries for employment of people with a disability.
We rank 26 out of 27 OECD countries for the percentage of people with a disability living in poverty.
And then there was this: 90 per cent of women with a disability reported they had been raped.
Read that again. And again. If those figures don’t wake you up, then not just your heart but your soul must be impaired.
Read Ann Wason Moore every Tuesday and Saturday in the