OFF THE RECORD
THERE she was having the time of her life, laughing at all his jokes as she walked arm in arm with a dashing dude into a function. The venue was an out of the way establishment and she was obviously having a wonderful time. Then her face turned a whiter shade of pale because she spotted her husband, who she thought was out of town, across the room. Luckily he hadn’t seen her enter so she quickly disentangled herself and hotfooted it across to her ever lovin’ hubby. There she wrapped her cheating arms around him, said what a pleasant surprise it was and proceeded to laugh at all his jokes. The many faces of Eve.
AMERICA IS a republic and as such is not supposed to be enamoured of royals, aristocracy and the like. One of our likeable larrikins, who travels frequently to the US of A, begs to differ. He has devised a cunning plan to get the best tables and top service when he is stateside. He books a table under his name and then a few hours later gets one of his mates to ring and enquire if “Lord Lucan” is dining there on the appointed night. Usually the response is that they have a Mr Lucan but no Lord Lucan to which the friend replies, “Yes. That would be him. Like all members of the British aristocracy, he likes to be very low key when he goes out.” The end result is when the Aussie “Lord” arrives he is met by bowing and scraping on an epic scale and he and his party have the best table in the house.
WE do so love someone with an exalted opinion of their place in the world. Like this delightful chap who couldn’t wait to explain that he was the junior vice president in charge of table arrangements or something like that. The underlying inference was that he was a very prominent person and that therefore he should be photographed. Hold the front page – miracle man leaps to the rescue and helps to arrange table settings.
LOVE her as we all do, we don’t call her Vera Vague for nothing. In previous episodes of her somewhat chaotic life she has accidently applied superglue to her false eyelashes and mixed up the medication for her cat and herself. Now the tumult has gone up a notch after she managed to swap car and house keys with a friend resulting in them both being locked out of car and castle. Her friends do love the funny stories but are wondering if she should come with a health warning.