OFF THE RECORD
MODERN technology, especially mobile phones, has changed all of our lives. One maiden in her middle years has discovered a slight flaw. She purchased a new phone and set the unlocking mechanism to facial recognition. All well and good until the morning. As she had always done, the phone was placed beside her bed and upon waking she peered over the bed and looked meaningfully into the screen and waited for her ‘Open sesame’ moment. No go. She tried again. Sorry I do not recognise you. Apparently the sophisticated algorithms had no formula for identifying the sight of a wildly dishevelled woman with a gravity induced drooping face. Back to the drawing board.
THE things you see when you are driving past a well-known drinking hole. A stylishly dressed woman was making heavy weather of pushing a shopping trolley down the road with very strange-looking cargo on board. On closer inspection the “cargo” was another well-dressed woman with her eyes closed, slumped in the trolley with legs and arms splayed out every which way. The position of the legs left little to the imagination giving passers-by a close up of things best left unseen. Judging by the way the pusher was walking, it had been a long and tiring afternoon because she was tacking and jibing along the footpath. Hopefully they made it to a safe port.
FUNERALS are a cause for sadness and also in many cases a chance to catch up with long lost relatives and friends. At the service for this widower, his children were curious about the dozen or so women of a certain age who were there to pay their respects. Having never met them, they discretely asked around and discovered that they were all members of their father’s sport club. Apparently after the passing of their mother, their dear old dad was a constant source of comfort to many a divorcee or widow and they had come en masse to say a fond farewell. At least he was remembered with great affection.
SPRUNG! It looks like someone is about to do a midnight flit to a southern state far, far away. Someone who dabbles in all matters pertaining to property came across a recent settlement for a large estate in Tasmania. Upon closer inspection the purchaser turned out to be a local, via a shelf company, who has been battling some financial head winds of late. Obviously the many who are owed money will be wondering whether they will get paid before he leaves town.