OFF THE RECORD
NOT long now until Australia decides which of the two major parties will lead us into the future. One among us thought he was a very good chance of being an endorsed candidate and could go on to represent we the people as an elected representative. Luckily for all of us someone thought to do a bit of digging into his background and discovered that he was leading two lives. By day he was a respected member of the community but come the witching hours and he switched into something completely different. Let’s just say that he was an enthusiastic member of a ‘swap meet’ that liked to share everything. At least that naughty news has saved a potential byelection down the track.
FOR many a year she has been a ‘gun for hire’ helping to organise and co-ordinate whatever was asked of her. Hard working, efficient and affable, she was the go-to-girl for anyone who needed to get something done. So why then has she decided to now open her own business? Very simple – she grew tired of doing all the work, getting none of the glory and not being paid. At least this way she can deal with the clients directly and know that she has a much better chance of getting some money in her hot little hand.
THIS could end up being the wedding of the year but the happy couple have some major issues. The biggest problem is that having announced their engagement every man and his designer dog has rung or messaged them looking for an invite. “We haven’t even announced a date let alone found a venue but people are demanding that they have to be there,” said a slightly miffed groom. At the current rate they are looking at a reception for well over 500 people and are seriously thinking of turning it into an oldfashioned affair by asking everyone to bring a plate and a bottle of shriek juice. An elopement may be on the cards.
WHEN it comes to sharp putdowns, they don’t come much better than this. On and on this dame raved about how this star was a friend, that singer called her all the time and this bigtime celebrity never made a move unless she consulted our local know-it-all. After another big name was mentioned someone in the party bent down and said, “I’ll get it.” Huh! “That name you just dropped, I’ll pick it up!” And that ladies and gentlemen is how to put a cease-and-desist order in place. Saucer of milk anyone?