OFF THE RECORD
HAVING worked hard to lose a few kilos she decided she wanted to tighten up some of what she calls the “saggy bits”.
Off she went to a plastic surgeon who kindly told her that he would make her look as good as new and that the scar would be scarcely noticeable. “Don’t worry about that – no one will see it,” she replied. “What about your husband?” “Firstly, we rarely ‘do’ it and secondly, if we do, the room is in blackout because he doesn’t want to see me and I don’t want to see him. You will be the last man to see me.”
Happy days ahead.
THE truth is a multi-layered thing often dependent upon whichever version you think best suits your point of view. For this chap there is a slightly different component which means that to his friends there is now an asterisk beside any information he imparts.
If he rings they always need to check the time.
If it is before 8pm what he is saying is usually on the mark but if it is later, be careful. It seems the later the hour, the more the demon drink has taken a firm grip of his senses and his hold on the ability to be straight with the facts loosens.
THIS is a story from an afterafter-party.
Sent up here to cover the comings and goings of the stars, this dude has distinguished himself by managing to convince two sweet young things that a touch of Graeco-Roman wrestling in traditional attire (i.e. naked) with him in his room would be a great way to finish the night. The fact that his wife was many miles away in a southern capital didn’t seem to cross his mind while his tag team match was folding and unfolding.
As they say, when the cat is away, the rat will play.
SPEAKING of the truth, this serial womaniser has learnt a valuable lesson.
Out and about in one of our clubs he started chatting to a young woman (as he does) and felt there was a real connection.
A few hours passed, more drinks were had and he suggested that they head back to his place to look at his butterfly collection. She agreed and then said: “By the way – how old are you?” Normally he would shave off a decade or two but feeling as though their connection was real he told the truth. “Wow! You are even older than my father. No thanks, I’ll find my own way home.” And that, folks, is the last time he will ever admit his real age.