OFF THE RECORD
TIRED of his wife’s constant nagging over many years that he do something about his ever-expanding Chief Wiggum waistline, he made a promise that he would cut back on everything. She could control the calorie intake at breakfast and dinner but sadly the hours in between have become a lost cause. Unable to control his hunger pangs, the “dieter” started making a fast food stop between home and the office. On the way he calls in for a breakfast special times two and does similar double duty on the way home. It could explain how his weight has gone up on a “diet”.
NOTHING much surprises us on our rounds but this was a first. After asking to take his photo he said yes but would we mind waiting while he put in his teeth. Huh? It seems he has two sets – a sturdy older pair for chewing and a gleaming set of new choppers for smiling. After a few brief moments, he removed the old and then popped in the new and was ready for his close up. There were a few minutes lost while we all wiped away the tears of laughter and then it was “in tight and smile bright”.
A FOOL and her newly acquired money will soon be parted. After receiving a hefty inheritance and not knowing quite what to do with the mega-millions, she asked a gal pal if she knew of anyone who could help. “Funny you should ask,” said the pal, “because I have a small fund that I manage for a few select clients.” Long story short, many promises were made about exceptional returns and 100 per cent security so the big pile of cash has been invested. What the wealthy one doesn’t know is that her pal has pulled this stunt before. Sadly the odds are that the money will be used only to “fund” a lavish lifestyle.
WHAT happens on tour usually stays on tour but a few juicy details have been leaked about bad behaviour while away. These likely lads set off on a two-week sojourn to a warmer climate hoping to enjoy some down time together. It is said that excessive alcohol consumption makes one a lover or a fighter and they quickly found out that this dude was one of the latter. Second night in, the boys are having a great time until he took umbrage at an innocent remark and it was on for young and old. It happened again a few nights later and so he was banished to another hotel and his card has been marked NTTA – Never to Tour Again.