OFF THE RECORD
TO borrow a line from Elaine Benes on Seinfeld – “Fake! Fake! Fake! Fake!” This time it refers to an engagement ring purchased by a man of means for the new lady love in his life. Yes, he put a ring on it and yes, it is a rock of some size but is it a genuine diamond worth mega bucks? Apparently not according to our wellplaced source who spotted the loved-up lad emerging from a place that specialises in fabulous fakes. While the new fiancée is gleefully flashing the sparkler around town she would do well to get it valued. Then she would quickly discover that it cost about a tenth of the price of a real chunk of ice.
HOW to lose a fortune in three easy lessons. First, after the death of your husband and suddenly discovering that you are richer than you ever imagined, embark on a luxury, around-the-world cruise. Next strike up a friendship with a handsome but impoverished and much younger entertainer on board the boat. He pitches, you catch and pretty soon you are so loved up you can barely breathe. Next, accept his proposal of marriage and exchange vows so now what’s yours is his and the very little he has is now yours. Having completed the necessary steps you now discover that the new groom has adapted extremely well to living large on your fantastic plastic. We await further developments.
FAME can be a fleeting thing. One day you are hot, hot, hot and the next yesterday’s hero. Having enjoyed a brief burst of notoriety this dude is determined to milk it for all it’s worth. The only problem is that his time to shine has well and truly passed and his demands to be recognised and therefore invited to every fridge-door opening are falling on deaf ears. Time to move on and get a real job old boy.
YOU can tell a lot about a person by the way they deal with wait staff in a café or restaurant. Out for breakfast with a few friends this not-so-galloping gourmet gave specific instructions that he wanted his poached eggs runny. Not a problem. When they arrived he continued his conversation for a good 10 minutes before he touched them. He then summoned the waiter over to loudly berate him for serving cold and firm eggs. The waiter tried to explain that the eggs kept cooking and then cooled down while he was talking but sir knew better and demanded a fresh set. The customer is always right – even when he is wrong.