OFF THE RECORD

SOME work for money, some work to get the job done and a rare few work so that they can drop their job title at every opportunity. For this tiresome chap it involves letting people, who he has just met, know he is the Senior Vice President South Pacific for Monetarisation, Morale and Miscellaneous Duties. (We may have changed it ever so slightly.) In reality he is a drone but obviously someone higher up the food chain thought it would keep him quiet if they gave him a title. Of course he now has a big plaque bolted to his cubicle and the longwinded designation is now printed in bold type on his business card.

THIS local government election cycle is certainly producing some charming behaviour among the electoratti. We keep hearing of dirty deeds, fake news, disinformation, outright lies and vandalism by some of those who are fighting to be the chosen one on the next council. On the plus side it should be all over in a matter of weeks and then the winners can please themselves.

THE coronavirus (COVID-19) is having a devastating effect on the world but one super hypochondriac is delighting in the bad news. She has unsurprisingly turned the global misery into an ‘it’s all about me’ sob story which she is telling with great relish. Stricken as she is by so many previous ailments she has now told her longsuffering friends that (a) it is only a matter of time before she gets it and (b) once stricken it will then be a few days before the grim reaper comes knocking. The big problem for our damsel in distress is that the COVID-19 symptoms are similar to her day-to-day ‘illnesses’ so she may get a nasty shock if she suddenly gets really sick.