BIRTH RIGHTS
HAVE you ever wondered how your kids can all be so different? After all, they’re growing up in the same family with the same parents and the same sets of rules and values.
The answer, according to parenting expert Michael Grose, is birth order.
The order your children are born has a significant impact on their personalities, interests and achievements, Mr Grose says.
And the Parenting Ideas director and author of Why First Borns Rule The World and Last Borns Want To Change It, says understanding those impacts can help parents improve their communication and relationship with each child.
Mr Grose said birth order was one of three factors that influenced a child’s makeup, along with genetics and gender.
“The impact of birth order is basically explained by how a child tries to find their place in a family,” Mr Grose said.
“When you are born into a family, every position requires something a little bit different in terms of the skills needed to get by.”
Mr Grose said firstborn children were born into a treasured position that also came with high expectations and pressure from doting parents.
Their birth position made them more likely to be high achievers and perfectionists, with greater language skills from their exclusive time with mum and dad before being “dethroned” as the centre of attention by the arrival of a younger sibling.
Mr Grose said the personality traits of a second-born or middle child were influenced by both an older brother or sister and their parents. He said they were “victims of bad timing”, born too late to get the advantages of a firstborn and too soon to get the easier ride younger siblings would enjoy.
Mr Grose said by the time the youngest child arrived, parents took a more relaxed approach to child rearing and dialled down their expectations, leaving this child to go their own way, often with creative or artistic pursuits.
The youngest child was also let off the hook when it came to chores and responsibilities. And while older siblings exposed them to new experiences earlier, they also looked out for their little brother or sister.
Despite recent studies casting doubt over whether birth order influences adult personalities, Mr Grose said he believed birth order traits followed children into adulthood.
However, these traits could also be influenced by society and the family environment, such as parent age, the space between children, the number and gender of children or having a sick or disabled child.
He said a parent’s own birth order also influenced how they approached parenting.
But being aware of the impacts of birth order was a definite advantage.
“It gives you clues into what you could and should be doing for your kids because we all want our kids to be well balanced, happy and resilient,” he said. “It sometimes explains certain things about our kids and being aware of that can help you be a more effective parent.”