The ‘ick’ makes us sick
CLAPPING when the plane landed was the deal-breaker. There had been earlier signs of “ick”. The grey plastic shoes. Putting on baby voice. Referring to his footy team as “we”. Honestly, spelling “they’re” instead of “their” should have instantly raised the “ick” red flag.
Everyone has had it, that unmistakeable gut feeling, the point at which your initial attraction to a person flips to a feeling of immediate disgust, an instant, usually petty turnoff. It’s the ick.
Seeing bum crack can cause ick. Watching someone eat can cause a variety of icks (case in point Albo tucking into an ice-cream at the tennis).
How someone treats waiters, jogs, cuts their toe nails, toes in general. Ick, ick, ickity, ick.
While dirty fingernails is a nobrainer, the ick can also be as nuanced or particular as someone chasing after a ping pong ball, running for public transport, not being able to merge into traffic, or not being able to reach to pay at the drive thru.
It’s hard to explain, impossible to justify and again extremely petty. But to borrow and bastardise the immortal words of Run DMC: “Icks like that, and that’s the way ick is”.
The return of reality show Married At First Sight has already got many of the whooping 1.29 million who tuned in hot under their sweaty collars (ick). But it was topman-bun (ick) wearing groom Jesse Burford who drew the ire of many when he pulled out his little list of “icks” to producers on Tuesday night’s episode of the dating series:
“Addicted to their phone. Motivational quotes. Vanilla. Basic. Boring. Don’t listen. Don’t even let you speak,” Jesse reeled off.
“Star sign chicks. Drama queens. Chicks who pout. Any girl who starts a sentence with ‘honey’, ‘sweetie’ (or) ‘oh my God, babe’. Next, no thank you.”
His final turn-off was “mirror selfies”. To be fair, Jesse’s ick list was sort of spot on and could have also included anyone who talks about their dreams, that is unless you feature in it.
But everything else about the Perth marriage celebrant, from his pink suit to his picky list, garners ick and cringe. It was around then the WhatsApp group messages started flying.
“Partners who leave the door open when they go to the toilet,” began a self-confessed “ick intolerant” friend’s list.
“People who talk about dreams or horoscopes. People who snort or sniff. Snorers. Bad breath. Spit talkers. Close walkers. Close talkers. People who tell jokes. Over sharers. Proud farters. Micro managers. Scraping cutlery on plates. Health fanatics who share details of their PB on marathons to social media,” she rattled away.
A quick straw poll around the newsroom predictably had bad grammar, or anyone that says “youse” topping the list. The more pedantic ranged from “an obscene laugh” to using your middle initial when signing off on emails.
Then there were of course the visuals and aesthetics ranging from “drawn on eyebrows”, “over Botoxed”, to the more detailed. Anyone wearing “velcro” got several head nods from the gals, with dandruff, or generally unwashed hair also featuring highly.
Dating can be an ick quagmire. Not paying for the first drink, monologuing or pulling out a phone case that also doubles as your wallet ick-inducing. Although I was later told the wallet/phone case is just a “Boomer” alert, which is a whole other column really.
Linguistically, “ick” is a combination of the words “sick” and “ickle” (meaning little), and has evolved over time to mean disgusting. It reportedly entered popular lexicon via reality television, go figure, after a Love Island contestant in the UK used it to comment on her relationship. And here we were thinking “banter” (meaning conversational skills or the existence of high-level rapport between two people) was the only word coined by the dictionary of cringey reality dating shows.
But this ’90s gal is calling bull. The term “getting the ick” was in fact first coined in pop culture history by Ally McBeal, the David E. Kelley drama
series focusing on a young, highly strung, female lawyer trying to balance her professional and personal life at a Boston law firm.
Ally got the ick after seeing her paramour she dubbed The Biscuit stretching. Ever since men lying on gym mats have never looked the same. Ick.
However hard you may try, you cannot ignore the ick.
Finally there is one last ick … watching MAFS.