THE CANDIDATE: AN ALLEGORICAL TALE

It has been a horror year no doubt but here on the farm we have all been gripped by the ongoing political rivalry between two feisty contestants.

One is something of a traditionalist who stands for old-fashioned values concerning loyalty, tradition, and the place of women in the scheme of things. A good-looking specimen, albeit with a comb-over, he is also incurably vain and possibly a narcissist.

He is a bit bombastic, somewhat full of himself and his own importance, and likes to get on his soapbox and proclaim his talents and his achievements as long as anyone will listen — and often when they don’t. He has a dedicated following who hang on his every word. He commands absolute loyalty from his followers, and indeed they shower him with almost cult-like attention. He appears to frequently take advantage of his followers for sexual favours too, or so it is rumoured.

The other combatant is somewhat quieter and concerned with the welfare of all. A strong candidate, not one to crow about his achievements but one who will brook no nonsense.

Unprovoked attacks

They have been warily circling each other for some time now, the more liberal one having to deflect frequent unprovoked attacks from the other, who often appears jealous of the attention his rival can command. The frequent altercations resulting from these attacks often end in a flurry of threats from both sides, one threatening to terminate the other, and much harrumphing and parading, usually concluding with one storming off in a huff and the other crowing in triumph.

The sad thing is they do not seem to be able to find a common ground for cooperation. Winston, the more aggressive combatant, is often to be found urging his followers to join in unprovoked assaults on the property of his antagonist, including but not limited to home invasions. He rarely participates in these intrusions himself, preferring to stand off and later deny all involvement, yet he is clearly encouraging this antisocial behaviour.

His opponent, on the other hand, feeds all and takes care of the hygiene and general welfare of everyone without regard to their race or gender. He advocates for health care for all and a minimum feed, and has worked hard to ensure that all his subjects are housed adequately in warm, clean, and insulated surroundings. He is not without his faults, and possesses a somewhat short fuse and an intolerant attitude to the attacks made upon his person, in particular when Winston, not infrequently, resorts to violence.

Coq au vin anyone?

Despite this, Winston’s fans still dote on him alone, except when his rival is handing out goodies at daily rallies, when they have been known to desert him in a mad scramble of greed. This may, in fact, be the source of Winston’s problems in that he isn’t capable of offering the same inducements — tantalizing kitchen scraps and bread crusts. His rival, too, has a habit of removing the daily offerings that his followers make for Winston — small brown offerings left in straw.

Naturally, the rest of us here on the farm are concerned that the whole thing may erupt in unnecessary violence and lead to possible fatalities. The death threats are getting shriller by the day. We are hoping for peace again for Christmas; we hope they can come to terms. Although I fear Winston’s rival will make good on his threat to attach his tail feathers to a hat.

Winston has been unseated. He was seen being dragged from his perch in the middle of the night by what passes for the law on the farm. This after a violent and unprovoked attack on an innocent bystander drew blood. He was tried and committed and will be joining us for Christmas dinner. A sad end for a glorious career: rooster to feather duster.

On the plus side, I have a new addition to my hat.

Merry Christmas and have a great new year.