Handler takes BFF role too far
DURING any relationship bust-up, of course your BFF (best friend forever) is worth her weight in Tiffanys and you expect her to don the protective gear and smash you out of your glass case of emotion.
Not only does she bust that sucker to smithereens, she whips you up in a fireman’s carry and gets you to the healing safe spaces of the nearest margarita bar, the mani/pedi salon and shoe sales.
At times like these the usual rules, as laid down in the book of secret women’s business chapter “What You Can And Can’t Say About Someone’s Partner When They Are Venting About How He’s Let Them Down”, do not apply.
Usually, you know you can express shock, dismay, support, understanding and sympathy. You can pass the riesling and the tissues, you can wag your finger in a Z formation and look suitably outraged.
But you don’t join in the criticism of said dude because you know a) that’s not your job, and, b) it will all blow over and then she will be suspicious if you really think all those negative things you said.
But when they officially split for keeps, all bets are off. You can say what you really thought all those times your friend was hurt when they were together and how cross you were, and how she really is very likely to be better off without him, given the level of misery she was living with.
You can be pretty certain if people get divorced there was a level of misery involved, even if, like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they posed up at a thousand photo opps at which public displays of affection were always evident.
The only proviso with a splitee encouraging her BFF to turn the guns on the ex is that she needs to accept this means his mates have permission to do the same about her: there is definitely some karma involved.
Only people going through the actual hellfires of breaking up can decide how much dirt is dished on the ex, and we know the wisest amount to dish is zero. If you release the hounds, you need to expect at least one will come back to bite you hard. Play nice is the ideal. But let’s be realistic: most people dish some dirt and even dust off a few skeletons, at which time their besties can feel free to roast a marshmallow over the temporary heat of their breakup rage.
Usually this is a short-lived period that everyone involved forgets ever happened.
But while some of these rules are clear and understood, it is a tricky time for the BFFs because there is one place you should not go if you are over about 17 and wish to consider yourself classy — do not set out to slay any third party’s reputation.
Two people make a relationship with all the expectations most carry.
If one “strays” it’s tempting to label the third party as the dirty homewrecker at fault, but it’s grubby and the easy way out.
No one is compelled to “play away” — most people are tempted at one time or another, but the choice to do so is the responsibility of the attached person, for mine, not an unattached third party.
I’m really sick of seeing the “mistress” of famous blokes cop most or all of the heat when one takes a marital detour.
A spectacular example was the way unmarried Kristen Stewart was doused in shame after having a fling with married director Rupert Sanders.
So I was not cheering when feisty US comedian Chelsea Handler, actor Jennifer Aniston’s best friend, viciously flamed Angelina Jolie 12 years after Brad Pitt left Aniston allegedly because he fell in love with Jolie on a film set.
Handler implied that Pitt, who was allegedly dumped by Jolie for his hard-partying ways clashing with her parenting values, was driven to the drink by Angelina Jolie.
BFFs take note: not only is holding such anger for the woman you blame for your friend’s pain more than a decade ago unhealthy, spewing it out like that is way overstepping the mark.
Handler probably thought she was supporting her friend, the former Mrs Pitt, by dumping a bucket on Jolie.
Let’s assume her heart is in the right place.
But let’s agree when it comes to other people’s breakups, you need to remain a wee bit grown up about what comes out of your mouth.
IF YOU RELEASE THE HOUNDS, YOU NEED TO EXPECT AT LEAST ONE WILL COME BACK TO BITE YOU HARD