By George, little sugar coating

BERNARDI’S AUSTRALIAN CONSERVATIVES, IS WAITING WITH LASCIVIOUS TEETH BARED TO SUCKLE ON CHRISTENSEN’S PINKISH NAPE AND BOLSTER ITS RANKS FROM ONE TO TWO

THE mental image of George Christensen delicately snipping alphabetical runes from February’s edition of Whipcrackin’ Wives Weekly is an appealing one, but the truth about his parliamentary ransom note is probably far more dull.

Christensen scrawled a draft resignation letter to Malcolm Turnbull earlier this week, holding the Prime Minister over the barrel unless he introduces a mandatory code of conduct for the sugar industry by March 1.

“If it takes ruffling a few feathers here, crossing the floor or going rogue to get an outcome, then you just have to do it,” he told the Daily Telegraph’s Sharri Markson.

The Trump-lickin’ MP’s aching yearning to follow ideological stablemate Cory Bernardi into the crossbench abyss surprised no one except, apparently, the Coalition.

Christopher Pyne succumbed to a worse bout of denial than that big river in Egypt, declaring the report a “beat-up” and assuring voters old Georgie-boy was not going anywhere.

Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce was less enthusiastic, but remained confident his “good mate” would stick with the team.

To Christensen’s credit, farmers in his electorate are desperate for action. Legislation was passed in 2015 to guarantee growers a choice in how their sugar was marketed.

While most milling companies have managed to come to terms, one is still holding out and farmers are suffering for it.

Wilmar, which operates eight mills between Mackay and Cardwell, has still not reached an on-supply agreement that would allow growers to market their product through Queensland Sugar Limited, if they thought they could get a better deal.

The Queensland Opposition wants Wilmar brought to task, but their federal counterparts have been blithely sitting on their hands hoping the issue goes away.

Enforcing a mandatory code of conduct was recommended by a task force set up by Tony Abbott, you see.

And the task force was chaired by none other than George Christensen.

His hard-nosed stance will ingratiate him with voters in the Dawson electorate and gives him the best get-out-of-the-Coalition-free card he could hope for.

The Nardi Party, sorry ... Cory Bernardi’s Australian Conservatives movement, is waiting with lascivious teeth bared to suckle on Christensen’s pinkish nape and bolster its ranks from one member to two.

The issue he is standing up for is an admirable one despite, the Australian Sugar Milling Council, to which Wilmar is a member, claiming on Thursday that “significant progress” had been made in the negotiations.

As Canegrowers chairman Paul Schembri wrote in the February 13 issue of Australian Canegrowers: “These cane-growing families, who have up to $8 billion invested in the industry, are facing economic ruin unless Wilmar can conclude an onsupply agreement with QSL.”

Before we jump up and down singing Christensen’s praises – and even as a backbencher he certainly holds massive sway over the Turnbull Government – it is worth remembering what else he stands for: vilification of gays and Muslims, as evidenced by his attendance this week at the far-right extremist group Q Society’s fundraising dinner alongside Cory Bernardi.

That might float your boat, but it sinks mine.

When it comes down to it, North Queensland cane growers should not have to decide between voting for their livelihoods and voting for the Nationals.