A midwinter night’s bad dream
MALCOLM Turnbull has outed himself as a ripper bloke to get curdled with – his shout, of course – and inadvertently insulted the hypersensitive leader of the free world in one glorious swoop.
A mighty bloody achievement for a Wednesday night on the slops.
Canberra is buzzing with political intrigue after some traitorous scoundrel secretly recorded the prime minister mocking US President Donald Trump in an actually-funny speech at the press gallery’s midwinter ball.
Veteran Channel 9 journalist Laurie Oakes does not attend those notoriously debaucherous jamborees (remember that Liberal staffer who resigned after going on a grope-fest in 2009?) so he felt the off-the-record rules did not apply to him.
Now it’s out there and the damage is done, so I suppose it does not apply whatsoever anymore.
It likely never will again, because only the most dimwitted of prime ministers would give candid oratory to a room of 600 reporters and political staffers after Turnbull was so thoroughly burned this time around.
This leak has done Australia no favours, negating the serious bum-cuddling our prime minister was forced to dole out during his last meeting with the Trump. His Twitter account is proof it takes only the slightest barb to poke a finger through his ply-thin skin.
And things were looking up since that phonecall shortly after the Fluorescent Fuhrer took office …
Anyway, back to “Trunbull” and his stand-up comedian side gig.
The prime minister parodied Big Don, with thumb and forefingers flourishing in textbook fashion, and even made reference to his campaign links with Russia.
“The Donald and I, we are winning and winning in the polls. We are winning so much, we are winning, we are winning like we have never won before,” he said.
“I have this Russian guy … Believe me, it’s true, it is true.”
The speech was obviously tonguein-cheek and self-deprecating but, in the age of smartphones, it takes some serious optimism to think some grubby pinko reporter (or a Labor staffer) would not leak.
Off-the-record agreements, although not formed in law, exist for a reason.
Journalists talk with politicians, police and people from every walk of life all the time on the proviso their trust will not be betrayed.
It gives reporters access to get all kinds of background information and follow-up leads they would never otherwise have if relying solely on official statements. In the end, the public wins. To go out and throw the prime minister under the bus for something so trivial, with no benefit to the country, is a dog act. But still, what was he thinking? Cabinet meetings have the same theoretical cone of silence and Turnbull of all people should know it is leakier than a cokehead’s nostril.
To deliver that speech in front of 600 journalists, not to mention all the Labor policy advisers and assumedly hired hospitality staff dishing out hors d’ouvres and plonk, is madness.
A lot of us have given dodgy speeches in our time – unsolicited and slurred at weddings mostly – but this is different to making a grand-mother-in-law choke on her shandy.
Next year’s press gallery midwinter ball will be a shocker, and, whoever the prime minister is at that time, should probably take a leaf out of Trump’s book and just not attend.