Talk about big song and dance

The Weekend Post - - Views - Chris Calcino

THE un­flap­pable right has be­come thor­oughly flapped by the most in­of­fen­sive cheese-ball in hip hop, Ben­jamin “Mack­le­more” Hag­gerty.

An on­line pe­ti­tion with more than 15,000 sig­na­tures is call­ing on NRL boss Todd Green­berg to axe the rap­per from per­form­ing gay rights an­them Same Love at Sun­day’s Grand Fi­nal, and peo­ple are go­ing feral.

As a ded­i­cated lurker of com­ment sec­tions, I was duty-bound to pick out the gems.

The vast ma­jor­ity of ob­ser­va­tions were, more or less, co­her­ent crit­i­cisms of the NRL for shov­ing gay mar­riage down the pub­lic’s throat, which ad­mit­tedly sounds un­com­fort­able.

Oth­ers were ab­so­lute rip­pers that de­serve spe­cial men­tion.

“We now have no choice about be­ing gay, it is to be­come manda­tory to be­come gay,” laments one pe­ti­tioner, pre­sum­ably weep­ing over his phone as he re­luc­tantly swipes right on gay hook-up app Grindr.

“Maybe Green­berg is a rump­ster?” sug­gests an­other, coin­ing a clever new slur.

“I’m sign­ing ’ cause I want you to know that Mum looks dis­gusted but Dad looks pretty in­ter­ested in the naugh­ti­ness tbh,” in­di­cates a third, giv­ing a rare in­sight into the pol­i­tics of her house­hold.

“Stand by Mum, when same-sex mar­riage be­comes le­gal, he’s out of there.”

An­other di­a­mond in the rough pointed out that Green­berg is Jewish, just like com­mu­nism.

“Glob­ally Jews have led the push to for SSM to be in­tro­duced due to their ha­tred of Chris­tian­ity and white Euro­peans,” he con­tin­ued.

Great stuff to a tee, but none of it can hold a can­dle to Kennedy MP Bob Kat­ter, who is­sued a state­ment to me­dia out­lets around the coun­try with the ti­tle: ‘Mackle-more’ – give us ‘Mackle-less’. It was al­ways go­ing to be gold. “The NRL CEO ob­vi­ously thinks pro­mot­ing his as­so­ciate’s sex­ual pro­cliv­i­ties is ap­pro­pri­ate for an NRL Grand Fi­nal,” Mr Kat­ter stated.

“Out­side of Christ­mas for the east­ern half of Aus­tralia this is the most im­por­tant event of the year and they have be­smirched it.”

He raised a very good point in the next breath, how­ever, point­ing out that the Cow­boys had been locked out from fa­mil­iaris­ing them­selves with the Syd­ney oval be­cause “this US rap­per needs a sound check”.

“In­stead it has been made avail­able to some Amer­i­can rap­per, who no one has ever heard of, to pro­mote his as­so­ciate’s sex­ual pro­cliv­i­ties,” Mr Kat­ter con­tin­ued.

“We have a plethora of tal­ent in Aus­tralia – Jes­sica Mauboy, Delta Goodrem, Lee Kernighan – why do we need to bring over some US rap­per?

“I’ve used the term again and again, the NRL CEO has put sew­er­age seep­age into the debutante ball­room.”

All of this out­rage ig­nores the fact that Mack­le­more is the dorkiest bloke on the face of the planet, more Poindexter than Pub­lic En­emy, and yet the gin­ger rhyme­smith has caused a na­tional scan­dal that has Tony Ab­bott bay­ing for blood.

This is the same politi­cian who has cam­paigned for the re­peal of sec­tion 18C of the racial dis­crim­i­na­tion act, mind you, be­cause “any sug­ges­tion you can have free speech as long as it doesn’t hurt peo­ple’s feel­ings is ridicu­lous”.

Mack­le­more is a top-sell­ing artist whose of­fend­ing track Same Love has shot back up to the num­ber one slot on iTunes be­cause of all this con­tro­versy.

He is rev­el­ling in the po­lit­i­cal squab­ble and so is the NRL and no doubt a record num­ber of view­ers will tune on for the pre-match en­ter­tain­ment, which as al­ways, is al­most cer­tain to suck badly.

Think about some of the mu­si­cal stinkers our ma­jor sport­ing events have given us over the years.

There was Daryl Somers with his syrupy ren­di­tion of Waltz­ing Matilda at the 1987 VFL Grand Fi­nal, Billy Idol turn­ing up on a hov­er­craft at the NRL’s game-of-games in 2002, and Janet Jack­son’s in­fa­mous nip-slip at the Su­per­bowl in 2014.

Grand fi­nal per­for­mances are train wrecks as a rule, but we will still tune in just to see if Mack­le­more’s boob falls out.

ALL OF THIS OUT­RAGE IG­NORES THE FACT THAT MACK­LE­MORE IS THE DORKIEST BLOKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, MORE POINDEXTER THAN PUB­LIC EN­EMY ...

PO­LIT­I­CAL FOOT­BALL: The usu­ally in­of­fen­sive hip hop star Mack­le­more.

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