Talk about big song and dance
THE unflappable right has become thoroughly flapped by the most inoffensive cheese-ball in hip hop, Benjamin “Macklemore” Haggerty.
An online petition with more than 15,000 signatures is calling on NRL boss Todd Greenberg to axe the rapper from performing gay rights anthem Same Love at Sunday’s Grand Final, and people are going feral.
As a dedicated lurker of comment sections, I was duty-bound to pick out the gems.
The vast majority of observations were, more or less, coherent criticisms of the NRL for shoving gay marriage down the public’s throat, which admittedly sounds uncomfortable.
Others were absolute rippers that deserve special mention.
“We now have no choice about being gay, it is to become mandatory to become gay,” laments one petitioner, presumably weeping over his phone as he reluctantly swipes right on gay hook-up app Grindr.
“Maybe Greenberg is a rumpster?” suggests another, coining a clever new slur.
“I’m signing ’ cause I want you to know that Mum looks disgusted but Dad looks pretty interested in the naughtiness tbh,” indicates a third, giving a rare insight into the politics of her household.
“Stand by Mum, when same-sex marriage becomes legal, he’s out of there.”
Another diamond in the rough pointed out that Greenberg is Jewish, just like communism.
“Globally Jews have led the push to for SSM to be introduced due to their hatred of Christianity and white Europeans,” he continued.
Great stuff to a tee, but none of it can hold a candle to Kennedy MP Bob Katter, who issued a statement to media outlets around the country with the title: ‘Mackle-more’ – give us ‘Mackle-less’. It was always going to be gold. “The NRL CEO obviously thinks promoting his associate’s sexual proclivities is appropriate for an NRL Grand Final,” Mr Katter stated.
“Outside of Christmas for the eastern half of Australia this is the most important event of the year and they have besmirched it.”
He raised a very good point in the next breath, however, pointing out that the Cowboys had been locked out from familiarising themselves with the Sydney oval because “this US rapper needs a sound check”.
“Instead it has been made available to some American rapper, who no one has ever heard of, to promote his associate’s sexual proclivities,” Mr Katter continued.
“We have a plethora of talent in Australia – Jessica Mauboy, Delta Goodrem, Lee Kernighan – why do we need to bring over some US rapper?
“I’ve used the term again and again, the NRL CEO has put sewerage seepage into the debutante ballroom.”
All of this outrage ignores the fact that Macklemore is the dorkiest bloke on the face of the planet, more Poindexter than Public Enemy, and yet the ginger rhymesmith has caused a national scandal that has Tony Abbott baying for blood.
This is the same politician who has campaigned for the repeal of section 18C of the racial discrimination act, mind you, because “any suggestion you can have free speech as long as it doesn’t hurt people’s feelings is ridiculous”.
Macklemore is a top-selling artist whose offending track Same Love has shot back up to the number one slot on iTunes because of all this controversy.
He is revelling in the political squabble and so is the NRL and no doubt a record number of viewers will tune on for the pre-match entertainment, which as always, is almost certain to suck badly.
Think about some of the musical stinkers our major sporting events have given us over the years.
There was Daryl Somers with his syrupy rendition of Waltzing Matilda at the 1987 VFL Grand Final, Billy Idol turning up on a hovercraft at the NRL’s game-of-games in 2002, and Janet Jackson’s infamous nip-slip at the Superbowl in 2014.
Grand final performances are train wrecks as a rule, but we will still tune in just to see if Macklemore’s boob falls out.
ALL OF THIS OUTRAGE IGNORES THE FACT THAT MACKLEMORE IS THE DORKIEST BLOKE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, MORE POINDEXTER THAN PUBLIC ENEMY ...