Winning on averages

AVERAGE height, average looks, average bank balance. Then there is the average height, average fitness and average ability to throw or kick a ball, draw, write poetry or, well, just about anything creative. I am completely, utterly, unashamedly mainstream, average. This is despite my best efforts over a lifetime to be the best at something. Anything. I’d hoped to be the best female golfer in the world. But a fellow junior golfer who went on to be just that highlighted like a three-wood to the head, that I wouldn’t be. In fact, I wouldn’t come close. I wanted to be the smartest student in my class at school. When I topped my Year 9 French class, I thought I had finally found something to hang my hat on — something that would make me stand out in the crowd — only it was not to be languages as I almost failed Italian the next semester.

So here I am stuck in the middle. With you?

This column is for all average, middleincome, middle-ground, middle aged and slightly squidgy-middle people. You know who you are. You’re self-sufficient — not in need of a helping hand but not rich enough to hide. You’re a big target for governments who want to tax you on everything.

You pay private health insurance, exercise pretty regularly and eat a moderate diet so you’re not a strain on the public system but you get slugged a tax because others drink too much and now, possibly, consume too much sugar.

You look after your property and respect others’ but shake your head when those who don’t seemingly go unpunished.

You have faith, or little, but you don’t ram your beliefs down anyone’s throat and you certainly don’t get in your car or truck and drive down a street maiming or killing people in the name of Islam.

But you have to put up with heightened security and bollards springing up all over the place because there are radicals out there who hate what we’re about. You’re a boy or a girl; man or woman. You don’t mind if others don’t want to or can’t be either or love one in the same.

However, it rankles that identifying as such is somehow discriminatory to somebody who doesn’t.

I find my driver’s licence photo offensive but if I complain will the State Government save everyone from the indignity of these horrendous mugshots? Of course not. I should instead be consumed with rage that I have to underscore just how average I am by admitting I’m 168cm in height and a female.

You can banish these facts if you like, but there is no getting around it.

I’m Mrs Average and I’m proud of it.

YOU HAVE FAITH, OR LITTLE, BUT YOU DON’T RAM YOUR BELIEFS DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT AND YOU CERTAINLY DON’T GET IN YOUR CAR OR TRUCK AND DRIVE DOWN A STREET MAIMING OR KILLING PEOPLE IN THE NAME OF ISLAM.