Betrayal stings but it’s a chance to shine a light

tured on his profile, implying consensual sharing of the image.

How many members had downloaded or screen-grabbed the image? I’ll never know. The digital stain is virtually impossible to erase.

The next 24 hours went by in a sleepless fog of stunned stupor as I processed this betrayal of trust.

Then I got angry. Nay, furious. Before long fury turned to disbelief. Which only depressed and then saddened me.

Talking to friends and hearing their own sordid experiences as victims of revenge porn and other toxic behaviour, I am now simply despairing.

But I am also gratified to hear from those who have the love and support of a partner with honesty and integrity, which ultimately gives me hope.

The irony is that the photo he used for his swingers profile is actually a beautiful image, worthy of gracing my living room wall.

But this is not a story about art. It’s about consent and trust. And the far-reaching consequences and damage caused when one is denied and the other is betrayed. “I APOLOGISE.”

The two words were far too little too late for Fiona Harper.

The 54-year-old Cairnsbased travel writer had been shaken to her core by the man she used to love, who told her repeatedly he loved her back, but then betrayed her in the worst kind of way.

It was about three weeks after they had decided to part ways that she discovered what he had done.

As a professional photographer, he had taken hundreds of pictures of her during their 18month relationship as they sailed around stunning remote Fijian Islands; and in some of them she had posed nude.

When they broke up she asked that none be “shown anywhere they shouldn’t”.

But three days after she left him distraught at Cairns Airport in December he had joined a website called “NZ Swingers”, a site where people discuss topics such as gang bangs and public sex, and her naked body was plastered across as his profile picture.

“I was mortified, horrified that he thought it was OK to use that photo for his own use,” Ms Harper recalled.

“His justification was that it was a password-protected site, but the site has over 60,000 members. I never thought (revenge porn) was going to be in my world.

“Even though he had all those photos, I trusted him and didn’t think they would end up on that type of site.”

While she had managed to get the 57-year-old to remove the picture and delete her photos, she said the incident had shattered her trust in men.

She said she was not completely “bitter and twisted” but she wanted to use her story as a cautionary tale to others.

“I actually believe (revenge porn) happens way more than we ever know,” she said.

“I’ve had so many women messaging saying something similar happened to them.

“I am a victim but I think it’s given me an opportunity (to help others).

“A number of people have said I’m brave and courageous, but I have no shame in speaking about it. I think it needs to be spoken about.”

She said she believed she was much more equipped to handle the fallout as she was a bit older, but could not imagine how hard it would be for teenagers and young adults.