HANGING UP THE BOOTS
QYou made the call to hang up the boots earlier this month after an ongoing battle with concussion. How tough was the decision?
AThis is what everyone says, that it was a tough decision – well, it wasn’t. I’d had enough head knocks. I remember being on the field, looking up not knowing where I was and going through the usual systems – where are you, Barlow; it’s dark, it must be the second half; who are we playing, look at the scoreboard, we’re playing Sunny Coast. And then I just went “I can’t do it anymore”. That’s when the decision was made, then and there. I walked into the change sheds, locked myself in the toilet and I cried. They were telling me I had to do a HIA; I was telling them to go away. So the decision itself was very easy; what’s been so difficult is accepting it. I’ve already
talked myself back out of a comeback three, four times now. The second reason I couldn’t keep going was, because I’d had so many, I was worrying about getting another one. I couldn’t play how I used to play, how I wanted to play, how I’ve spent my whole career playing and how I demand the people around me play. I can’t play at 100 per cent; I won’t be able to play at 100 per cent again, so I could never pull another jersey on and feel like I deserve to be out there with those players. Because they’re going to put in 100 per cent, anything less from me is disrespecting them. And that was the hardest thing about this year – I didn’t feel I deserved to wear the jersey.
QWas there any professional advice in the decision? Was it recommended you stop playing?
AI told the doc I get between three and six concussions a year – have
done for many years – and asked if that was healthy, knowing the answer. The scans have all been clear, no malignant tumours or anything like that. I have a clean bill of health medically, but I know there are issues with memory, concentration loss and vision problems after games sometimes. There are some things they can’t measure in a scan, you just have to know yourself and, as a footballer, you’re very in tune with your body.