Bridging the gap
I’m worried that I’ll lose our familiarity and closeness and I will just be screen time Jo Skillicorn (Grandmother)
TREATS on the sly and outings for no reason are just two magical ingredients commonly found in the special bond between grandparents and grandkids.
But as COVID-19 continues to cancel the best laid plans, grandparents are looking for fun and fresh ways to close the gap, so that fewer cuddles during this crisis don’t add up to a lost connection for life.
A huge number of Australians hail from elsewhere and fewer restrictions don’t necessarily equate to grandparents now enjoying cosy face-to-face reunions with their loved ones.
No strangers to FaceTime pre-COVID, with both sets of grandparents ordinarily based in their home countries abroad, the Stephens family is one of many now really yearning for the moment multiple generations come together again.
Mum Kate Stephens said it has been heartbreaking for everybody, including husband Theo and children Felix, 9, Elodie, 6, and Flora, 3.
“My daughter Elodie can be quite nervous and anxious. And I feel like she’s missing grandmother time,” she said.
“Unconditional love and comfort, and doing slow things like knitting and sewing. Stuff that I can’t replace, that she can only get by being physically with her grandmother.
“I’ve never felt so far away. It’s my main worry about COVID, more than catching it even is. When will I see my family again?”
Members of her husband’s immediate family still live in England, where he’s from, and Mr Stephens’ mother Valerie Higgins said she does feel vulnerable.
“For families that live in different countries, we have been very aware that if anything happened to anyone in the family, or to my husband and me, nobody could visit or help in any way,” Ms Higgins said.
“I sadly don’t have regular contact with my grandchildren except by FaceTime, but was really sorry to miss my granddaughter’s first communion and family party in Poland in May, which was cancelled. Such occasions are rare and special.”
Based across the Atlantic, Ms Stephens’ Canadian parents Jo and Joe Skillicorn usually see their daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren at least twice annually.
Pre-COVID, they were counting down to the family’s visit these school holidays
– a trip they couldn’t make.
Speaking from Canada, Ms Skillicorn said that as a nana, there was a new and real anxiety with COVID-19.
“I don’t know when I will see the kids next,” she said. “I’m worried that I’ll lose our familiarity and closeness and I will just be screen time.”
Happily, such online efforts are more effective than many grandparents realise. Derek McCormack, principal specialist at Raising Children, said regular video calls could be genuinely multifaceted and engaging for younger generations already so accustomed to screens.
“Use this time to read a story to younger children and … set up a regular time when children are at their best (and can) sit still and concentrate,” he suggested.
“Older children could use a Zoom call to research a project with their grandparent that they are interested in – sharing their screen when looking at Google searches, for example. This could spark conversations and discussions.”
Indeed, putting extra energy into FaceTime interactions is helping Ms Skillicorn and husband Joe maintain their connection to their grandchildren. They make special requests, like getting Felix to play his trumpet, or asking to see the girls’ latest artworks.
Still, the time and distance do not have a clear end point and Ms Skillicorn admitted that was painful.
“I’m missing a chunk of their growing up and it hurts,” she said.
“Felix is maturing. I want to hold Ellie’s hand and I want to talk a lot to Flora who is just beginning to be conversational.
“To keep the bond will take effort and creativity, so that our personalities are there for each other and we are not strangers when this is finally over.”