It’s been a Verry memorable week

FROM partying politicians to burning blazers to verry elleegant horses, it’s been a week like no other.

Everyone told us how much they cried when they heard about the safe return of four-year-old Cleo. Hardened WA detectives shed tears, Carrie Bickmore sobbed on The Project, and Ben Fordham cried on 2GB.

Lisa Wilkinson wept as well, but mostly about the reception of her autobiography; the book’s title It Wasn’t Meant to be Like This took on a new meaning after some of her pay gap claims were questioned.

No doubt Prime Minister Scott Morrison felt like crying, too. He couldn’t find anyone to shake his hand at COP26, especially after French President Emmanuel Macron called him a liar. Morrison’s camp leaked a private text between the pair to prove how ethical he really is.

The Crying Games continued thanks to Victorian Liberal Tim Smith, who nearly shed tears for himself during a press conference about his drunken car crash.

Despite calls for him to resign, Smith decided not only to tough it out, but to talk it out at a press conference that lasted more than an hour. During it he refused to answer the same question 20 or more times, showing he’s got what it takes to be a Labor premier during a pandemic.

Smith’s plight reignited discussion of leaked footage of Liberals exchanging insults, with Upper House MP Bernie Finn calling Smith a “f--king idiot”. Many people concluded Finn was the real “f--king idiot” for comparing Premier Daniel Andrews to Adolf Hitler. It’s one thing to call Andrews a despot, it’s another to dress him up in a Nazi uniform and post it online.

This week we also saw the sad passing of TV legend Bert Newton that led to many fans shedding real tears. The Premier offered Bert’s widow Patti a state funeral, with the send-off for the man known as the Face of TV to be televised on Channel 9.

Verry Elleegant also had us talking, not only because of the Melbourne Cup win, but the spelling of the horse’s name. It looked as if it was typed by a cat walking on a keyboard, or Tim Smith texting after a “couple of glasses of wine”.

Federal Education Minister Alan Tudge did his best to rev up the culture wars again, insisting that all the bits in the history curriculum dealing with bloody battles and massacres were presented in a positive light.

In the US, the slogan “Let’s go, Brandon” became a code for getting rid of US President Joe Biden. Former president Donald Trump offering a “free” T-shirt to those who made a $45 minimum donation to his party.

Gwyneth Paltrow also launched a show on Netflix that thankfully doesn’t focus on the benefits of jade eggs for lady private parts. The show has promised to “entertain and inform – not provide medical advice”. It’s a bit like the federal government’s climate change package, which is designed to entertain and inform but not provide scientific advice.

We also heard this week that a friend of AFL player Jordan De Goey says the Magpies should be ashamed for “rushing to judgment” of him. Funnily enough, he doesn’t suggest De Goey should be ashamed at being a serial pest who’s still facing an assault charge. “When the real story comes out a lot of the media will have egg on their faces,” De Goey’s pal said.

I reckon they’ll both end up with egg on their faces.

In other news, Meghan Markle has been cold-calling US senators about paid parental leave. Fashioning herself as the champion of everyday working families, Markle made sure she used her royal title when introducing herself.

Viewers have switched off Channel 10’s The Bachelorette. History is being made thanks to the indigenous bisexual bachelorette and gender-mixed cast, but no one wants to watch six-minute-long kisses, regardless of the gender orientation.

And did you hear about 1980sera instant coffee brand Moccona releasing a new sachet-style coffee? It’s rated as the “smoothest yet” by people who work in the company’s marketing department!

And the ABC has just published a recipe for sourdough starter. It was the yeast they could do.

There you have the week in review: fears, jeers and lots of tears.