‘Some things take time...’
When Louise Bellizzi conceived unexpectedly, she had grand plans of becoming ‘one of those green-smoothie-drinking mums who went to antenatal yoga and basked in the glow of pregnancy’.
Louise had already come to terms with doctors telling her she was unlikely to fall pregnant naturally after trying for more than a year.
She and her fiancé Alex Yates were not bothered how they started a family, they just knew they were ready to.
Louise and Alex had completed two of three permanent care and adoption training sessions when they discovered they were already expecting their first child together.
For the first three weeks, they were ecstatic. Then Louise started to feel sick. At first, she thought it was standard morning sickness.
She put it down to the stress of a big move, after she and Alex bought their first home together, in Horsham.
The nausea and vomiting ramped up, landing Louise in Wimmera Base Hospital for medication and replacement fluids. She was admitted to Yandilla maternity ward and told she had hyperemesis gravidarum.
Hyperemesis gravidarum, or HG, is a potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease that can cause malnutrition, dehydration and debility due to severe nausea and vomiting.
It affects about one percent of pregnancies and can result in long-term health issues for mother and baby.
In severe cases, women can be sick up to 50 times a day.
The condition can also lead to mental-health issues including depression and anxiety, along with financial stresses due to an inability to work.
“What should have been an exciting – yet terrifying – and joyous time in our lives became a burden and a scary, lonesome and isolating experience,” Louise said.
“I had to reduce my hours at work significantly and eventually, I ended up needing to stop work altogether.
“I was largely incapacitated. I wasn’t able to function and some days I couldn’t even handle getting out of bed.
“I went from being a working, functioning part of the community to virtually being locked up in a new house. I had very little contact with people, I was isolated, alone and scared.
“Financially, it was also incredibly hard. I was on unpaid sick leave, we were reliant on Alex’s wage. The medication I needed wasn’t subsidised, we had a mortgage and bills to pay and were trying to buy baby stuff in between. It was extremely difficult.”
Louise’s pregnancy had additional complications and she ended up in Melbourne’s Mercy Hospital for Women.
“I was a long way from home and that was even worse. I felt so isolated,” she said.
“In early pregnancy I had considered terminating because of how severe my condition was. A lot of people who have hyperemesis gravidarum either have a termination, or consider it. “It is not regular morning sickness. “I lost my dignity – it’s hard to maintain that when your fiancé becomes your carer to help you dress, shower and get out of bed.
“Alex was very, very, very supportive, but he was also suffering because he didn’t know what to do – he was scared for me and our unborn baby.
“I tried being grateful for being pregnant, because Lord knows there are people who can’t get pregnant.
“But I hated being pregnant and I couldn’t be grateful for a long time.”
End date
Louise said when her doctor gave her an induction date, there was a small light at the end of the tunnel.
“I had an end date – something I could hold onto,” she said.
“In my mind, by this date, I would feel better. Being induced was a lifesaver.”
Madeline Audrey Alyssa Rose entered the world on January 9, 2019.
She was perfect, but Louise was not out of the woods yet.
“I had complications after birth and I needed surgery at three, five and eight weeks post-birth,” she said. “It was a very painful experience.
“I was one of the unlucky ones, whose HG stuck around a couple of months postpartum. It was quite hard to deal with, both mentally and physically.
“On top of all that, I was struggling to bond with Madeline.”
Louise said she turned to PANDA – Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia – for help.
“I used the heck out of them, they were wonderful,” she said.
“Sadly, perinatal and maternal mental health are still very stigmatised and not talked about.”
Up to one in 10 women and one in 20 men experience antenatal depression, with symptoms ranging from persistent, generalised worry and panic attacks to feeling constantly sad or ‘on edge’.
“As a parent, you feel like you’ve got to hold it together. But if one person can say, ‘this is really tough for me’, then hopefully it encourages other people to seek help,” Louise said.
“I want people to know there is help available and not to feel ashamed about needing it.”
Louise said she felt guilty throughout pregnancy and for the first few months of Madeline’s life.
“You hear of mums doing things with their babies, like talking to them and singing to them when they are still in their tummies, but I didn’t bond with my baby like that,” she said.
“You hear about the immediate bond between mother and child after the birth and I didn’t have that either. “I felt really, really guilty for a while. “These days I’m trying hard to be a lot more gentle with myself and acknowledge that I had a really rough time.”
Louise said through support from Alex, friends and mental-health services she had come to realise some things take time. “I think it’s important to note that even if you don’t bond straight away, you still love them – even if you’re not really feeling that connection,” she said. “Mads was always safe and secure and loved, even while I was struggling. “When she hit the five-month mark I really started to bond with her. I finally felt like her mum.” Madeline turned 16 months on Saturday and she and her mother are now ‘as thick as thieves’. “She is very cheeky, inquisitive and clever. We love seeing her little personality shine through,” Louise said. “Being Madeline’s mother is everything I wanted it to be and more. It is an absolute joy. Yes, it is very hard sometimes, but it can be for all parents.”
Helping others
Louise said now she was ‘99 percent back to herself’ she wanted to use her experience to help other women.
She recently became involved with Hyperemesis Gravidarum Australia as a peer-support volunteer.
“I have been matched with a sufferer and I’ve been in contact with her daily for the past couple of weeks,” Louise said.
“I want to be able to help walk others through the process. If I could help even one woman have a better experience than I did, it would make my absolute day.’’
Friday is International Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day.
“There is a lot of misinformation about what hyperemesis gravidarum is,” Louise said.
“A lot of people are not getting appropriate treatment because of the belief it is just morning sickness and it will go away. But it doesn’t and it impacts every area of your life.” • People can visit hyperemesis australia. org.au for information about HG, nausea and vomiting in pregnancy along with resources for women, support people and professionals.