It shouldn’t happen to a film journalist
This month, Jamie shares his love of a good bad movie.
‘I’m a sucker for pain, an addict, and will happily watch any old crap’
A few weeks ago, US critic Leonard Maltin confessed to being so appalled by Zoolander 2 he walked out with half an hour to go, convinced he’d seen quite enough to give Ben Stiller’s return to the fashion world a good dressing down.
Twitter, naturally, fought over this juicy titbit like piranhas in a fish tank, with many applauding Maltin’s stand (“Life’s too short, bro”) and many more pointing out it was his job to watch the movie. Do refuse collectors sack it off halfway through their route because they’ve had enough? (Actually, mine do, but let’s not digress.) And what if that unseen half hour offered up some outstanding gags or a choice cameo?
I, for the record, belong to Team Stay-To-The-Bitter-End, and have never forgotten the wise words that an esteemed critic slurred into my ear at a party when I was just starting out: “Every film, no matter how bad, has one line of dialogue or one camera move or one something that’s of interest.” And so I can say, with some pride and a good deal of regret, I’ve never walked out of a film. Better (or worse) still, I’ve never stopped a DVD or hit the fast-forward button to truncate the anguish.
Of course, it helps that I’m a sucker for pain. I try to tell others, and even myself, that it’s because I believe you have to watch the bad to appreciate the good, and that it’s crucial to see as much as you can to identify trends and provide context. But really it’s because I’m an addict and will happily watch any old crap. Yes, real life is going on outside my window, but oftentimes I’d rather close the curtains and waste 90 minutes of my time on Earth watching Adam Sandler and a shitting donkey. So while I’d like to think I possess exquisite taste and my good colleagues at Total Film always take one look at my end-of-year Top 10 list and label it ‘pretentious’, I also laughed regularly during Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie and have seen The Twilight Saga: New Moon four times – once more than I’ve seen The Godfather: Part II.
Now let’s be clear: I don’t think any of the movies listed previously are misunderstood, underrated or even any good (well, apart from The Godfather: Part II, obviously). But I did find enjoyment in them, a different kind of enjoyment to that which I glean from Persona or Taxi Driver or any other masterpiece you care to mention. It’s like the six-pack-and-pizza ethos that’s often applied to action movies taken to the nth degree – how better to park your brain than to watch a movie so irredeemably awful you can power down into an unblinking, unthinking stupor? It’s relaxing. It’s fun. And if you want to get all deep about it, it’s the closest I can get to retreating to my childhood and the naïve joy of simply watching a movie. Those were the halcyon days when cinema washed over me and into me, before I read reviews, before I tuned into Barry Norman’s TV show, and before, even, I knew there were people behind the camera (or, indeed, that there was a camera).
Or maybe I just like shit films?