Squeals on wheels

THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD I Reynolds. Jackson. WTF?!

It’s Midnight Run meets Raising Arizona with a taste of In Bruges,” bellows Aussie director Patrick Hughes ( The Expendables 3, Red Hill) over breakfast in the high-end dining area of a salubrious hotel in midtown Manhattan. It’s late April and he’s describing rollicking new action-comedy The Hitman’s Bodyguard, his booming voice quashing the hushed conversations at all other tables.

“Shit man, I got a call when I was hopping out of the surf in Malibu,” continues Hughes. “My fucking agent called me and said, ‘Ryan [ Reynolds] wants to meet with you in New York tomorrow – you gotta get on a plane tonight.’ He said it was a two-hander and I said, ‘Who’s the other person?’ and he said ‘Sam

Jackson’. I was like, ‘Jesus Christ, those two on the screen together…’”

A heightened, madcap, flame-grilled actioner, The Hitman’s Bodyguard is designed to turn heads in much the manner that Hughes’ boombox antics are doing right now. Reynolds is the bodyguard, Jackson the hitman, the two clashed together when the former is assigned to transport the latter to the International Court of Justice. Travelling by car, their perilous journey takes in Heat- like running gun battles in Coventry (yes, Coventry) and speedboat chases along the canals of Amsterdam. But no amount of bullets, collisions and fireballs can match the explosive banter that’s going down inside the car.

“I’ve always had an attraction to that real dark, twisted sense of humour, and subverting expectations,” Hughes shouts. “When Ryan and Sam are in a scene, the only way it can end is with Sam telling Ryan to shut the fuck up, or Sam laughing so hard that Ryan’s

sphincter goes so tight his head is going to explode.” Given Reynolds and Jackson are in most scenes in the movie, that’s a lot of profanity, guffaws and butt-clenching. He nods, violently. “They both brought so much. They’re really funny guys.”

Hughes is not wrong in his assessment. A couple of hours later, in an upstairs suite, Teasers sits down with Reynolds and Jackson to enjoy their free-flowing repartee. Bristling at the very idea that either one of them might employ a bodyguard in real life, Jackson spits, “Obviously, no! We’re both likeable guys,” while Reynolds leaps in with, “We’re both 6ft 3in – we’d look preposterous.” The badinage ricochets back and forth until Jackson concedes, “I know people who have them. I remember Bruce [ Willis] talking about guys who mistake your on-screen persona for real-life. Bruce would get challenged in bars: ‘I can kick your ass, buddy.’ So he employed Avi [ Korein], this Israeli killer. Awesome!”

Salma Hayek, in the next room, cowers when asked if she could defend herself from attack given she’s portrayed so many onscreen badasses – a tradition she upholds in The Hitman’s Bodyguard, playing Jackson’s foul-mouthed jailbird wife. “I hate violence,” she quivers, then suddenly sits upright and snarls. “But if someone came after a loved one…” She grabs a glass water bottle by its neck and mock-threatens to shove it in Teasers’ face. “And I can kick, look.” She’s on her feet, unleashing head-high roundhouses in every direction.

“Salma steals the whole movie in two scenes; she’s a firecracker,” laughs Hughes over coffee later that day. If anything, he’s even more amped-up now, and wants to discuss the extraordinary chase sequence involving speedboats, motorbikes and SUVs. “I had to scout Amsterdam five times just to work out the logistics. None of those canals actually connect. It was like a puzzle. And I didn’t just want a fucking chase – I wanted gags, so we plough through a couple on a peddle-boat having a romantic moment, and spray some girls living the highlife on a weekend away.

We did everything in-camera. We trashed 35 SUVs, eight motorbikes.”

Hayek is reaching for the water bottle once more, only this time upends it in her mouth and glugs down the entire contents. “Man, if only it was beer,” she gasps, slamming the empty bottle back on the table. “I did all my own stunts,” she continues. “I wasn’t going to and then I thought, ‘What if they’re all thinking, look at grandma in the corner…’ so I did.”

Jackson and Reynolds chortle at the anecdote. “What about you guys?” Teasers enquires, stupidly expecting a straight answer cataloguing life-endangering heroics. “I loved watching her do her own stunts,” Jackson grins. “We support her whole-heartedly,” nods Reynolds, then offers an exaggerated shudder: “Honestly, if I could pick one actor to not get in a bar fight with, it would be Salma Hayek. She’s got some sort of crazy wind blowing through her.” Jackson snorts laughter. “She watches [ the stunt rehearsal] and thinks, ‘I can do that.’ I watch it and think, ‘I used to be able to do that.’”

Finally, after a day’s worth of joshing, someone gets serious. It’s Hughes, who points out that all of the crazed action sequences in the world count for nothing if your movie doesn’t have heart. “It has to go deeper,” he says. “The original script just had these two [ juts out chin, puts on jock voice] really cool guys. But Ryan and I both agreed it had to be a redemption story. It’s like Midnight Run – you can say it’s a buddy action comedy but it’s really about a man trying to overcome divorce. You know what the victory is at the end? He takes off his fucking watch to let go of the past. Small shit like that chokes me up.” Riotous action, belly laughs and tears? Sounds like a helluva (road) trip. JG

‘ryan and sam both brought so much . they’re reall y funny guys ’ patr ick hugh es

ETA | 18 AUGUST / The Hitman’s Bodygua rd opens late r this year.