Phil PhilliPs

On the street with Happytime’s puppet ’tec…

Are you ready to be famous after solving such a high-profile case? how are you going to cope with the extra attention?

Famous? I just hope I can get a few more cases out of it. Still gotta pay the bills ya know.

What kind of movies do you usually like watching?

Uhh… I like chick flicks. It’s always a great place to find a date.

Have you ever seen a puppet movie before? any thoughts?

Not so much movies, but as a kid I never missed Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood on the tube. I always wanted to meet King Friday. He really seemed to have his shit together.

Any advice for young puppets who might want to be a cop?

Yeah, try anything else first. It’s hard work, especially for us. Most perps are faster… gettin’ in and out of the police vehicle is always a pain in the ass, and the guns are a lot fuckin’ heavier than you’d think. Trust me, makin’ balloon animals at kids’ parties is a lot safer.

Do you think this film is going to make people see puppets in a new light? is that a good or a bad thing?

What do I know? It’s a movie. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t… If I was that worried about what people thought of me, I’d have been a politician.

What’s the biggest misconception that humans have about puppets?

That we’re all funny or entertaining. I mean, how am I funny? Let me understand this cause, ya know, maybe it’s me. I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean ‘funny’ – funny how? How am I fuckin’ funny?! Sorry, I just always wanted to do that [Goodfellas] scene.

Tell us, how does it feel being tasked with such a high-profile case as the happytime Gang murders?

Well, I’ll tell ya, it was tough. I mean, I knew these puppets personally. So, I guess there’s nothin’ that would have stopped me from tryin’ to solve it anyway, whether I was tasked with it or not. You see, nobody snuffs out puppets without havin’ me up their ass. And I’ll tell ya what, puppets may know what that’s like, but try finding a human that can handle it… if ya know what I mean.

Do you find humans difficult to work with?

Well, let’s see how this goes and I’ll let ya know.

One human specifically, is there something in your partner Connie that surprised you? Do you ever admire anything she does?

Of course. I admire that she sleeps with her mouth open and hasn’t woken up with a beehive in her throat.

Now that you’ve finished the investigation, are you planning any time off?

Time off! What do I look like, I won the lottery? The last time I took time off was when I gotta a new wristwatch. PB