DIALOGUE
Mishaps, misteps and misty-eyed miscellany. Your missives are our mission.
Reading issue 295, I was initially somewhat disturbed by Vin Diesel’s comparison of The Fast And The Furious Saga with Tolkien’s masterwork The Lord Of The Rings. But you know, the more I think about it, the more I see what he’s getting at. I feel he’s given us an insight into where the franchise is going: F&F10: The Hobbs-it: There And Back Again (Very Quickly); F&F11: The Fellowship Of The Rims; F&F12: 2 Fast, 2 Furious, 2 Towers; F&F13: The Return Of The King Spyder Porsche… I can’t wait for that classic line, “It’s a dangerous business, Toretto, going out of your door...”
JACK HARGREAVES, ADDINGHAM
Ingenious. Not only have you shown Hollywood the hybridised way forward, you’ve given us an excuse to plug our subscribers’ edition; Mr. Diesel’s full comments on the Dom/Gollum (Dollum?) connection featured in 295’s ‘Insider’ section, our regular bundle of bonus interviews and other goodies, only available via your letterbox (so don’t go hounding your newsagent for more intel on the Lowriders Of Rohan). Jack and everyone with a letter printed here will receive a copy of The Peanut Butter Falcon, out now on DVD, Blu-ray and Digital via Signature Entertainment. Didn’t send an address? Email it! It’s crunch(y) time!
SCARED FOR LIFE
After reading your childhood fears feature [TF 294], I felt compelled to write in about a disturbing, violent, effed-up film that scarred me at the age of six and haunts me to this day (I’m 41). And it has a U certificate! I’m
talking about Watership Down. Despite all the deranged/crazy/wrong films I’ve seen since, this is still the pinnacle of true horror for me, with a song that makes me shudder whenever I hear it. DAVE MEAKIN, WILTSHIRE
Iwas disappointed you didn’t include any of the supposedly child-friendly ’80s films that still keep me up at night: 1) Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan (dear God, when the larva goes into Chekhov’s ear); 2) Jaws 3-D (the shot inside the shark’s mouth as it munches on a victim… the cracking of bones is horrifying); 3) Superman III: where the super-computer turns the baddie lady into a humanoid robot… I still steer clear of it on TV; probably advisable given the film’s overall quality.
JOHN CARRIG, VIA EMAIL
Loved the feature, but one thing left me more scared than the films – the concluding notes by one Linda Blair. THE Linda Blair?? Surely not!! Did Total Film decide to use Regan’s ‘expertise’ on the matter to help you all out? Scary stuff indeed…
TONY ALLBONES, WIXAMS
Fear not, we didn’t make a deal with the devil-possessed. Although we did reflect on our choice of words after asking Ms. Blair if she could “turn things around quickly”… And thanks Dave/John – just when we thought it was safe to dip back into our childhood memories, you bring out the braindraining, bone-cracking, ‘Bright Eyes’singing robot boogey-shark. Daaad!! Muuum!! Lindaaa!!
PARASITE LOST
Ialways look forward to your first issue of the year, to see the slate wiped clean on your evolving top 10 and discover which films will start the new year on it. As of 295, your No. 1 films is the five-star The Lighthouse – good choice – followed by nine four-star films. All worthy contenders, but why no slot for the five-star Parasite? MARK COLE, WARNINGLID
Well un-spotted, Mark. Maybe the film ‘pulled a Parasite’, deciding to leave our top 10 behind and live it up in some fancy-schmancy top 10 elsewhere, little realising that it would lead to mayhem and tragedy.
Or maybe we just forgot to include it. Anyway, on p32 you’ll see Parasite restored to its rightful ranking (unless it’s snuck off to hide in Willem Dafoe’s epic Lighthouse beard).
CIRCLE OF STRIFE
Looking through my 800-plus DVDs, thinking of what to watch (because subscribing to Netflix/Amazon/ Now TV isn’t enough), I choose one of my feelgood films. Serial Mom. Hilarious. There’s gore and every member of the cast is game. Pure brilliance. However… the DVD is now skipping and will not play, which is my worst nightmare. What are we to do when our old DVDs start to burn out and we can’t replace them? *cries uncontrollably*
SCOTT READING, BOREHAMWOOD
Don’t come crying to us – we’re busy trying to un-crinkle our first-edition VHS of Space Camp. We understand your love for bygone formats, but there comes a time when you have to let go, and log on to eBay. Whoa, Serial Mom/ Pecker double-pack ex-rental! Gonna get in there before some desperado comes along.
MISSING A TURN
I’m writing at the behest of my other half who is bereft at the omission of 13 Hours from John Krasinski’s Five Star Turns [TF 295]. Please tell me this is just an oversight on your part and the Total Film team has seen and adores this movie. If not I don’t think he’ll be able to sleep again.
HANNAH JONES, FAREHAM
Please assure your other half that yes, the TF team has seen this movie and a…nyway, 13 Hours was certainly on the long list, so at least your partner can get a couple of hours shut-eye. Five Star Turns is often hammered out of such passionately protracted debate that by the time we’re done, said star has made another film worthy of inclusion. Gah!