OFFICE SPACED
Chatter ‘gems’ overheard in the Total Film office this month…
* “I’ll make him bark!”
* “Remembered another fave movie trope: if you’re an enigmatic informant, you can always find an empty park bench, no probs.” for Omen III: The Final Conflict. It’s one of his masterpieces and among the best soundtracks ever written. As for the movie itself… it has its moments, but a masterpiece? Not by a long shot. HUGO BAUR, VIA EMAIL
Jerry was pure gold, all right: Chinatown, Alien, First Blood, Gremlins… he also came up with a Star Trek theme even more Star Trek-y than the old one (if mildly less danceable). And if your neck hairs have never stood to attention at the boom-bastic sound of his Universal Studios fanfare… then you must be one of those irksome, toe-treading, opening-credit-blocking bag-kickers who always rocks up late. Siddown!
BROUGHT TO BOOK
Iwas surprised to see you completely missed out The NeverEnding Story from your Top 10 Books feature? [TF303] Surely this film needed to be featured. I spent years as a kid wishing any of my books would take me in and make me the hero! If something like that doesn’t encourage kids to read… what would? “MOOOOONCHILD!” ANGHARAD PURSEY, WELLS
Angharad wasn’t the only one to question our book smarts; thank you, Tim Parsons-Yarrow, for the invitation to “kiss your Rockbiter”, but no. But seriously, how could we have done justice in 40 words to a NeverEnding yarn? It’s the filmmakers’ fault for not calling it The Over Before You Know It Story.
THAT UN-SYNCING FEELING
When I went to see Tenet, I was impressed by the artistic way the first scene played out. The sounds of an action scene over images of a European news show from the noughties and, strangely, Jesus, made for an interesting choice by the director. As I was trying to decipher the meaning of this imagery combined with the violent audio, the film was stopped. It turned out they’d been playing archive footage with Tenet’s audio. It made the first trip back to the cinema more interesting… SHARNA YOUNG, COVENTRY
That’s an impressively elaborate cock-up… or maybe not; next time you’re at your local, check whether the projectionist is a Mr. T. Durden. Reminds Dialogue of the time it saw Speed and a botched reel change (ask your nan) left Sandra Bullock driving the bomb-bus while doing a headstand. “Floor it – uh, ceiling it, Annie!”
‘TACHE FLOW PROBLEM
Iwas delighted to discover that Kenneth Branagh will be returning with an all-star cast (and Russell Brand) to big screens with Death On The Nile. But I was deeply disappointed to discover his remarkable moustache has apparently shrunk. I can only hope that as with Sonic The Hedgehog and Cats (shudder), some CGI wizardry can be quickly employed before release, which will restore it to its former glory.
TOM, VIA EMAIL
To be fair, this one’s set in a warmer clime than Orient Express, so fair play if he’s had a trim. The last thing you want when you’re trying to catch a killer is an upper lip raining sweat. Or maybe the ‘murder’ plot’s a smokescreen and the real case is the hunt for Branagh’s missing bristles. In any event, when it comes to mega movie moustaches, Ken’s is still streets ahead. As in, starting in one postcode and
ending in another.
WARS VETERAN
Max respect to Karl Chapman [TF303] who wrote to say he’d seen the entire Infinity Saga in the cinema. However, I can top this dedication to moviedom. I’ve seen EVERY Star Wars on the silver screen, from my parents taking me to Episode IV in 1978 at The Dominion Theatre in London, to Episode IX at the BFI IMAX last year. Surely I deserve a ‘For Length Of Service...’ Total Film medal! I look forward to be called to Buckingham Palace to receive my award from Her Majesty. PHIL SLOAN, BEXLEY
Um… we’re a bit low on medals, so will you accept a free DVD instead? You won’t have to schlep to the Palace, put on a penguin suit or risk being injured by an all-powerful OAP wielding a blade (mind you, that is very Star Wars).