THRILL PRIDE
I’m working on the screenplay for a new Michael Bay adaptation of Pride And Prejudice – specifically that classic scene where Darcy and Eliza are being chased through the streets of London by Wickham’s county militia. Their carriage is thundering along the cobbles pursued by at least 20 cabs with flashing blue lanterns. Overhead, an air balloon signals by flag to ground troops to create a roadblock. There’s a cacophonous volley of cannons. Eliza responds with her blunderbuss. Lots of swerves, U-turns and donuts from Darcy. Cabs crash, fly through the air, knock someone off a penny farthing, cause an explosion at the gunpowder factory… until D and E finally jump the roadblock in their now-threewheeler and head to Pemberley.
DAVID WARWICK, LEEDS
Wait, is this an actual thing? If not, how do we make it happen?! Can we put Optimus Prime in a lacy bonnet? With go-faster flames and concealed thermal space-grenade? Let’s sign Mike up for some franchise action, with Emm-egatron, Teenage Mansfield Ninja Turtles and Sensesbattering And Sensibility!
ADAM SHAME
Black Adam. How can a film that’s been gestating this long be this mediocre?! Especially when it’s a passion project for The Rock?! Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to see where the Justice Society and the big man himself go from here, especially after THAT mid-credits ‘surprise’, but this was just bland. RUSS TRIBE, SOUTHAMPTON
Alas, we too found it something of a Rock-y road, despite high(-ish) hopes. A Team Dialogue outing to the local Luxe prompted a mixed reaction: Dialogue Jr pronounced it on a par with Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile but with better kills, while Mrs Dialogue underwent a change in the hierarchy of consciousness for a good 40 mins in the middle. Your correspondent, though, got deeply involved… in trying to evade the neighbouring Nacho-man’s cheesy spittle.