Dirt- floor Hilton’s all good

IF YOU are good, very, very good, the Good Lord, if he is impressed with what you achieved on this earth, might let you spend a night at the Middleton Hilton before you get carted off to that dusty camping ground in the sky.

Ahh, the Middleton Hilton, I hear you sigh. Egyptian cotton sheets, room service, Lobster Thermidor, Oyster’s Kilpatrick and chilled white wine from Margaret River. The bliss of it all. Hot showers and minibars. Can’t wait, can you?

It’s all a dream. This Hilton is not tucked away in a corner of England, but is at the one- pub whistlestop of Middleton, 180km west of Winton. Tourism promoters, and of course they never tell any whoppers, say the Middleton pub is Queensland’s most remote hotel. The Middleton Hilton is in fact an open- sided bough shed made of timber and leftover pipe. The original, with a spinifex and wire netting roof, was built in 1972 by ringers from Toolebuc Station.

There have been some running repairs since, but it is still much the same.

Unlike the Hilton Hotels Paris Hilton is accustomed to, this one has no luxuries. It has a dirt floor and no beds. It’s designed for swags, but you can stay there for free. The big plus in its favour? It’s just across the road from Lester and Valerie Cain’s Middleton Hotel. Doesn’t get any better. Remember, if you want to make a booking, you have to be good, very, very good.