Help teens to curb habit of oversharing

EVERY day a parent will ask me for advice about social media and their teen. Or a parent in conversation will lament about the amount of time their teen spends online. It’s a big issue and you can be sure it will not go away in your parenting lifetime.

Many articles have been written about this, but why do teens overshare online?

Despite all our warnings they share their full birthdays, address, phone numbers, activities and locations. Yes, yes, we have told them about identity theft and physical harm that could happen. Yet they still do it.

One factor that really alarms me is how innermost thoughts and feelings are shared online. This use to be reserved for our personal diary, we would be horrified if someone read it but now we write it online.

Well, I’ve done some research, and it is quite clear there are five main reasons why. They feel anonymous. They are not anonymous but because they can’t see the worldwide audience they feel anonymous. Remind them that their post stays on the internet even if deleted.

It is so much easier to say things from behind a keyboard than it is face- to- face, they feel invincible — brave even.

They break up through text, share, voice anger etc behind the keyboard. So, yes, tell them again, if you can’t imagine yourself saying it to someone’s face then don’t write it online.

Have you noticed that online, you don’t have to reply straight away, you can take your time, think about your response and even change a handful of times before you press “enter”.

Teens like the control of delayed communication. This leads to oversharing and you say things you wouldn’t share in person. Talk again about how others can screenshot your texts. They may be your best friend today but probably not next year and would you like them to post it for everyone to see? Suggest talking to that friend in person is a better way.

It is a stress reliever, being online is relaxing, kind of like us watching the TV.

You can read some inspirational quotes, relax, scroll, all quite mindlessly at times. But the problem with using social media as a stress release is when they overshare their hurt, angry feelings. There are other ways to de- stress you need to teach them how.

A study from Harvard has shown that it feels really good when we share information about ourselves. When we talk about ourselves online, the two areas of the brain associated with reward are engaged.

So while sharing is enjoyable they should also be boundaries set by parents.

Teens are still learning how to use social media, they are not highly skilled despite what they think. We need to teach our kids about their online reputation and how to manage this.

What would your teen online profile look like?