Setting rules is a vital part of parenting

ISAT down to write this article based on both my work as a psychologist with teens and kids and secondly as a parent of teens and one thought that stood out to me was that our parents never had to set boundaries about online behaviour, social media and over- sharing. They worried about how much TV we watched! We worry which of their friends will upload some embarrassing video.

So we are navigating this age of parenting and social media without historical perspective and without longitudinal studies to clear up the evidence. But guess what, parents have always set limits, made rules, and drawn the line in the sand on many, many issues. That is one big part of parenting. This article is one in a series on this topic and further tips will follow.

Start with setting boundaries. First is time and the second is age. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children and teens have a one to two hour limit. This includes everything electronic, video, social, TV. If you set this limit then this is a great start for your family. I know so many teens who would be online for five hours plus every evening then struggle with sleep, stress and then anxiety- self harm- depression.

Age: the legal minimum age for use of social media is age 13. Did you know this? Check the minimum age of social media before you sign your child up. There are good reasons as to why they have set this age. You may think this is unrealistic. But as a psychologist I can tell you that it is a great boundary and that lots of other experts and parents agree. Don’t let your child or teen push you with the “but everyone else is”. They are barely old enough at 13 to handle the content they will come across, the thoughts, emotions, oversharing by friends, request and bullying that is mainstream on social media.

Next give serious thought to your rules about parental supervision and access. My recommendation is the “full access” rule when it comes to social media. This means they must give you the passwords to every account and that no “side accounts” are allowed. Feel like you are invading their privacy? Then remember that everything they click, read, share, photograph, upload does not disappear and can be tracked or saved or shared. There is no privacy, there is false privacy and kids feel that it is private and that no one will ever see it outside who they intend. This is false. So if they think that you will see it as their parent this will go a long way to helping them to think before they post. Still feeling uncomfortable about this? Can I ask you, do you monitor who comes in and out of your home? This is the same.

Interesting to note: my teens friends have expressed their opinions that this is “controlling”. My response, I will not be told how to parent by a 15- year- old. This is parenting. I am not reading their diary, and if they feel that I am then clearly they shouldn’t be posting this content online. This would be over- sharing.