Heard the one about the deaf radio personality?

I’M deaf. Not totally, but the goalposts at the Cowboys hear more of the cheering than I do.

I was thinking of telling stories and leading softly up to that fact but, stuff it, tell it like it is. I’m not alone, yet with deafness you really feel you are. “It’s the invisible disability”.

Mine is industrial. Working in studios when I was young, not realising the damage. It wasn’t the loudness, it was simply bad equipment and lots of hours.

I don’t blame anyone, I loved the work. It was simply something we didn’t know about. Like during our young years, laying in the sun with coconut oil and ending up looking like an overdone battered barra. Then, years later, wondering what those spots are that won’t heal ( if you do have any please have them checked).

When I was first diagnosed, I was horrified. Though I did wonder why everyone was mumbling, so I stopped doing my community meetings all those years ago because I felt uncomfortable. After all, it must have been them, or the room, or sunspot activity, not me surely. But it was. The specialists showed me, no names, other people’s hearing loss graphs, especially cane farmers and builders — all having no idea what was happening to them.

Have a chat to hearing experts and technology will, like it has with me, change your life. Though the fact still remains, you are deaf. You may think it’s dreadful wearing hearing aids, but remember, no one says anything about glasses, in fact they’re fashionable. But the attitude of someone seeing hearing aids, and I’ve heard it, is “Yuck, what's that?” Why, I wonder?

I’ll often miss kids calling out, which really hurts because they think I’m ignoring them, or mates in a bar, or even Barbara. In fact, she will often say when we’re walking: “That bloke said hello”. One day on the beach I was up ahead of her and some people walked past. I said hello and they must have said something else, which I missed. Then as they went past Barb, they had some most unkind things to say of me. And fair enough, how were they to know I just did not hear them.

To the hearing aid makers, can I have a recording of my Barb whispering in my ear that the batteries are flat! Not an American bloke saying “Battereeee”. Barb could say “Change your battery dear and I’ll cook you a lovely dinner”.

The aids are not perfect but I’m on a few community boards and, depending on the size of the room, I can join in.

At my specialist there’s a picture of three men on a beach. The first says: “It’s windy today”. Second bloke: “No, it’s Thursday”. Last fella says: “So am I, let’s have a beer”.

My girl has stories like that. We can laugh about it, but we can laugh at anything together. My little message: be checked, or if you’re hearing perfectly … please understand us.

Happy Days, EH!