Sharing those trying times with someone boosts trust

IT takes a village to raise a child. We have all heard that saying before, how true it is.

As a parent it is extremely difficult to raise any child without other people to help you. People you can turn to when you think you can’t face one more tantrum on your own.

Some of us have villages; some of us are looking for our village or feel that we don’t have one.

I was recently reading an article on this very topic where the author pointed out that “modern village- building” can be exasperating as “we are forced to create our tribes during the seasons of our life when we have the least time and energy to do so”.

So true! The time we most need a village with kids is the time when we are at our busiest and find it the hardest to do. So how do you set about building this village?

Firstly, you must believe that you don’t have to do this on your own. There is no gold medal despite what we think of being superwoman/ man and doing it all by yourself.

You also need to get your head around the fact that when you tell others that you can’t face another tantrum, or pile of washing or you are exhausted or lonely, this means that you feel very vulnerable.

If we don’t tell anyone we can hide that we haven’t got it all together all the time. You know what? Nobody has. Once you are vulnerable and share, this will take your friendships to another more meaningful level and your friends will then share with you.

Some people try to put themselves out there and feel that they are rejected or not taken up by others who already have a village. Villages get stronger the more people they have. So if you see another parent who looks like they might need what you can offer, join them to your village rather than think I already have mine, I don’t need anyone else. Simply start with inviting them for a coffee or hang around and chat.

Find some people are not right for you? That’s OK, keep looking and chatting and connecting, you will find those that are.

Then you need to ask for help. Or accept help when it is offered rather than say “no, I will be all right”. Instead try, “that would be such a great help, is that really OK?”.

Most importantly you need to offer your help. You need to be willing to help others, this is the biggest part of creating one.

I am often discussing this topic with parents, especially the vulnerability of putting yourself out there, but everyone is the same looking for a connection, so be the first to ask at school pick- up “how was your day?” and get out of your car, or put that mobile in your pocket and put yourself out there with a hello and a smile. Slowly and surely you will build your village. Email questions to aboutababy@ townsvillebulletin. com. au. Nicole Pierotti is a child psychologist who is an expert in helping solve sleep problems. Call 4724 2600 or go to babysmiles. com. au